I swear to you all, I had a great idea for a post today. I sat in bed last night, and something popped into my head that was interesting, thought-provoking, and was likely going to lead me right into another solid post on Thursday. But in my excitement (and because this was right before I fell asleep), I forgot to write it down. I thought I might remember it in the morning – and here we are. While I have other things I could focus on today, I decided to write about it because it taught me a lesson I learn often: sometimes, my anxiety outmaneuvers me, outwits me and I take the loss during my daily life. But that’s okay, and here’s why.
I’ve known for a long time that my depression and anxiety affects some of my cognition. Specifically, my memory has never been all that great. Short-term, long-term, you name it. It’s not the worst thing in the world; most of the time, it just means that I have to work a little hard to remember things. Whether that means obsessively writing things down or creating endless calendar reminders in my phone, I know what I have to do to make sure I remember the daily goings-on of my life.
But every so often I will get too excited or too confident, and I won’t write things down. This is usually with things that aren’t life-or-death, but more with the tinier details that make up a life (I’m sure there’s a psychological reason for that, and I’m also sure that reason is valid) – like this post. And unfortunately, that means that I miss out on an entire post because I got too cocky with my anxiety and forgot how effective it can be. I used to beat myself up over this and it would cause a lot of guilt and in turn, more anxiety. But when I work hard and work toward a healthier lifestyle, I remember that I’m allowed to take the loss. I’m allowed to admit that anxiety got the better of me, and that’s perfectly fine.
I don’t say this to minimize the big battles that I (or others) have with anxiety and depression, but to encourage you that the little battles aren’t always worth the cost of your mental health. When I first started having anxiety attacks, every single challenge felt like the same fight. Over the years, I have learned that some things are more difficult to deal with, or are more triggering for me, and I make sure I save up the energy and time I need to deal with those things. I decide what hills do die on with my anxiety, and it’s helped me grapple with some of those moments. So here’s hoping you defeat your anxiety today – and if you don’t, that’s okay too!
My anxiety defeats me in little ways all the time, including forgetting what I wanted to post today! Has your anxiety ever gotten the better of you in a similar way? I’d love to swap stories!