Sometimes My Anxiety Beats Me – And That’s Okay

I swear to you all, I had a great idea for a post today. I sat in bed last night, and something popped into my head that was interesting, thought-provoking, and was likely going to lead me right into another solid post on Thursday. But in my excitement (and because this was right before I fell asleep), I forgot to write it down. I thought I might remember it in the morning – and here we are. While I have other things I could focus on today, I decided to write about it because it taught me a lesson I learn often: sometimes, my anxiety outmaneuvers me, outwits me and I take the loss during my daily life. But that’s okay, and here’s why.

I’ve known for a long time that my depression and anxiety affects some of my cognition. Specifically, my memory has never been all that great. Short-term, long-term, you name it. It’s not the worst thing in the world; most of the time, it just means that I have to work a little hard to remember things. Whether that means obsessively writing things down or creating endless calendar reminders in my phone, I know what I have to do to make sure I remember the daily goings-on of my life.

But every so often I will get too excited or too confident, and I won’t write things down. This is usually with things that aren’t life-or-death, but more with the tinier details that make up a life (I’m sure there’s a psychological reason for that, and I’m also sure that reason is valid) – like this post. And unfortunately, that means that I miss out on an entire post because I got too cocky with my anxiety and forgot how effective it can be. I used to beat myself up over this and it would cause a lot of guilt and in turn, more anxiety. But when I work hard and work toward a healthier lifestyle, I remember that I’m allowed to take the loss. I’m allowed to admit that anxiety got the better of me, and that’s perfectly fine.

I don’t say this to minimize the big battles that I (or others) have with anxiety and depression, but to encourage you that the little battles aren’t always worth the cost of your mental health. When I first started having anxiety attacks, every single challenge felt like the same fight. Over the years, I have learned that some things are more difficult to deal with, or are more triggering for me, and I make sure I save up the energy and time I need to deal with those things. I decide what hills do die on with my anxiety, and it’s helped me grapple with some of those moments. So here’s hoping you defeat your anxiety today – and if you don’t, that’s okay too!

My anxiety defeats me in little ways all the time, including forgetting what I wanted to post today! Has your anxiety ever gotten the better of you in a similar way? I’d love to swap stories!

6 thoughts on “Sometimes My Anxiety Beats Me – And That’s Okay

    • Nathan @ MBNB October 14, 2020 / 3:23 pm

      Thank you! It’s a constant battle, but I get better at fighting against it every day 💪

      Like

  1. mentalhealth360.uk October 13, 2020 / 11:21 pm

    iWell done for recognising how anxiety affects you Nathan, particularly your memory. It affects my memory too, to the point I’ve had to leave a supermarket when I couldn’t remember the name of a certain brandy my visitors liked. It was the beginning of a panic attack – over a bottle of brandy?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nathan @ MBNB October 14, 2020 / 3:41 pm

      I could write a book about the panic attacks I’ve had (and come close to having) because of my memory. And you’re so right, once it’s over you can look at it and say “really? I reacted that way because of that?”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mentalhealth360.uk October 15, 2020 / 8:30 am

    Anyone who’s never had a panic attack wouldn’t believe how little it takes to start one off, and why.

    Liked by 1 person

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