I’ll See You in August

Hi everyone!

I originally wasn’t going to write this, but then I also realized that it would be uncool for me to just go on radio silence for a month so I thought I would explain. I’ve got a few very big decisions to make in the coming weeks about some stuff in my personal life, and while I’m figuring this out I’m going to need a lot of time to myself to think and contemplate my next move in life. There will be lots of change in my life in the coming weeks as I’ve alluded to in the past but now, it’s not the change I’d originally planned – it’s something new.

All of this thinking, reflecting and contemplation has made it damn near impossible to focus on anything else at the moment, and so I’ll be taking a break from the blog for the rest of the month. To be clear, my mental health is in a good place and I am perfectly safe – that’s not what this is about at all. I hope I can better explain my absence when I return as well as get back to churning out that sweet, premium mental health content we all love so much. But I need some time to process what’s been going on, and the best way for me to do that is to step away and make sure I’m being as considerate as possible to the situation. Thank you for understanding and don’t worry, you’ll be hearing from me soon!

A Reminder for When I’m Stressed

Yesterday I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist. I got stuck in a meeting at work and by the time I reached the doctor’s office, I was too late. It’s easy (and obvious) to see why something like that would cause me stress. Heck, it would cause anyone stress. But while I was waiting to reschedule my appointment (to today, thankfully not too long!), I got rid of the stress. Or rather, the stress got rid of me.

It’s safe to say that life is pretty stressful. Every day brings its own challenges and decisions to make, and every single one of them can affect how the rest of your day goes. It’s enough to make anyone a little overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis. But what if those decisions weren’t such a big deal? What if everything wasn’t some huge decision. What if a choice was just a choice?

I’m sure a lot of you already know where I’m going with this – long story short, s*&% happens – but you might not know why, and why it’s so much easier said than done. I have a difficult time accepting when things don’t go according to plan. It’s not because I’m a perfectionist, though; rather, it has to do with how I view myself.

As I’ve said before, I don’t like myself very much. And so when I mess up, I assume people don’t like me because of it. Why? Because I don’t like me because of it, so I assume people must not like me either.

But that’s ridiculous, right? In my experience, few people get that upset when mistakes are made every once in a while. It gets more frustrating when it happens on a more common basis but for the most part, people forgive an innocent mistake. But I don’t see it as a mistake – I see it as a character flaw in myself.

Now we could talk all day long about why I view myself that way, but I think the more productive path would be to discuss the things I remembered that reminded me that it’s going to be okay:

  1. It’s going to be okay
  2. It’s not the end of the world
  3. Your life will go on
  4. These things happen
  5. It will work itself out

Now I hope in a future blog post I will be able to elaborate on these but for now, I’ll just say this: it’s one thing to say these things to yourself to make yourself feel better; it’s another thing to believe, really believe them.

I’m not saying I fully believe in any of those things in the long term. But I believed them today, and at that moment, and that was enough. That method of thinking got me through that moment and on to the next and got me to continue on with my day and my life. When you’re feeling stressed out I would take that phrase – s*&% happens – and add two more words to it. Stuff happens to everyone. We all go through it, and that’s one of the common experiences we have as humans. So maybe you made a mistake today. Maybe something went wrong. Do you need any more proof of your humanity than that?

 

Strategies for Accepting a Compliment

On Tuesday I talked about how difficult it is for me to accept a compliment. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that the main reason I can’t really accept a compliment is that I don’t think all that highly of myself. However, despite this, I have gotten increasingly better at accepting compliments from people. How do I do it? Well, I’ve come up with a few strategies that help me not get sidetracked when someone has something nice to say. Here are some of my favorites:

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Why I Can’t Accept a Compliment

Compliments happen all the time; they’re a natural part of life. I won’t do you the boredom of breaking down what a compliment is and why it happens (even though I did find an interesting study that says it feels just as good to give a compliment as it does to receive one – food for thought!) – instead, I’m going to tell you why it’s so hard for some people to accept a compliment.

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Five Things to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

Let’s face it – at some point, everyone feels overwhelmed. Whether it’s school, your work or another aspect of your life, there are times when we feel like the world is closing in on us and we feel trapped. While it’s more common for some to feel this way than most people, make no mistake – most people you know have felt overwhelmed about their lives at some point.

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What Does It Mean to Stay Grounded?

I’ve been reading a book called “The Empath’s Survival Guide” which is all about how to live and succeed if you’re an empathic person (no, I did not mean empathetic – there’s a difference!). I’m hoping that once I finish I can offer a solid review of the book but for now, there’s some word choice in the book that’s caught my eye and led to some questions.

In particular, the author’s constant reminder to ‘stay grounded’ and to ‘ground yourself’ was something I noticed immediately. It was in nearly every chapter, sometimes making multiple appearances, and it made me think – what does it mean to ground yourself? I don’t mean in the sense of staying humble and keeping your ego in check, but actually keeping your feet on the ground and remaining present.

This I how I think of ‘grounding yourself’: being present in the world around you and not living inside your head. I’m sure there are many other aspects of being grounded, but these are the main criteria that I try to follow if I’m looking to be a grounded person.

So, how do you stay present? Different things work for different people, and understanding that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution in this situation can go a long way toward maintaining toward being mentally healthy. Some people meditate, others pray to their higher power. People write in journals, listen to soothing music and go for a run. Sometimes it involves exhausting your body; other times it involves exhausting your mind. Regardless, you’re challenging yourself to be in the moment and seeing how long you can stay there.

Some people need more time than others to stay grounded. I know people who only need five minutes a day to meditate and they are refreshed and ready to go; others need more time or need to do more strenuous activity. I am one of those people, and I’m okay with that. The important thing to remember here is that you have to do what works for you. While it’s okay to try things that you’ve seen work in others, don’t put yourself into a box when it comes to staying ground. If it’s healthy and effective, that is all you need to worry about.

I stay grounded in a number of ways, but one of my favorites in the past month has been to go for a run. Now that the weather in DC is nice, I’ve been able to exercise outside, and it’s made me more grounded than anything else in recent weeks. I’m able to exist among the trees and plants on the sidewalks and enjoy the fresh (city) air as I exercise. Though I only currently run twice a week, it’s become something I look forward to and keeps me present – it’s hard to exercise that long if you’re not present in your task!

One more thing – sometimes trying to be grounded doesn’t work. That’s okay. Don’t put pressure on having an activity ‘cure’ you or boost your mood. Sometimes being grounded just means that you remain busy. By remaining busy, you might be able to keep things like depression and anxiety at bay. Whether it’s a big victory or a little one, a win is a win when it comes to mental health challenges. I wish you good luck with yours.

What do you do to stay ‘grounded’? What do you wish you’d do more of to be present in the moment? I want to know!

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Some Thoughts to Close Out Mental Health Awareness Month

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking as we come to the end of Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s been an interesting month for me – since I am in the middle of the process of weaning off my medication, I have been a little removed from mental health advocacy. I’m focusing on making sure this process goes smoothly and answers my questions – mainly, do I need to be on medication right now? I might have to go back on it weeks, months or years from now, but making sure the process goes well is my main focus.

Anyway, this month has been encouraging. I think the best thing I’ve seen is that this month has distinguished the difference between mental health and mental illness. Mental illness might not affect everyone, but mental health does. Taking care of yourself is important in all aspects of life, and this includes mental health.

Bringing awareness is also a very underrated aspect of improving the mental health conversation. Because it’s such a nuanced topic, it’s not enough to just say ‘be aware’ about mental health and leave it at that. It needs to be a discussion, an ongoing conversation to make sure people are looking out for each other and themselves. We make choices every day that improve or worsen our mental health, and it’s important to recognize the impact of these choices.

I was encouraged by the #RealConvo Instagram campaign and learned a ton from Mental Health America about how we can use different things in our life to boost our mental health. I read posts from people who don’t normally talk about mental health – they were honest and open and I loved seeing it. I feel like the conversation surrounding mental health improves every year, and things like Mental Health Awareness Month are a good reminder of how far this conversation has come.

Even though the month might be over, we can’t stop talking about mental health. Maybe it doesn’t have to be in the most obvious or outspoken way. There are plenty of ways to discuss mental health, and you need to do what works for you. Maybe that means writing a social media about that the fact that sometimes, you’re not okay. Maybe it’s just checking in with a friend or loved one and asking, ‘how are you, really?’

The most important part of this is that the discussion doesn’t end. Mental health, as with many things in life, is ongoing. We don’t always have the luxury of picking it up and putting it down as we see fit. So, however, whenever and wherever you have this conversation – even if it’s just with yourself – I hope that you can continue to remind those around you that our mental health is important – whether or not it’s Mental Health Awareness Month.

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The Post-Vacation Blues

I am currently plodding through work, wading through the vast amount of things I need to catch up on, and I’m fighting the post-vacation blues. I visited family in Texas over the Memorial Day weekend holiday and had a great time! As is typical with short vacations like this, I didn’t feel like I had enough time, but I really enjoyed seeing everyone being able to soak up the beginning of summer. Continue reading