Hi, again. So…yeah. This is my big return to blogging. I haven’t written since last year. I don’t know why I stopped. I mean, I do know why I wasn’t able to do it for so long – life gets in the way sometimes – but I don’t quite know what happened. But, since I would like to get back in the swing of things with this space, I figured it would be better to post something than nothing at all. So here I am.
It’s been a busy time since my last post. While there are probably a million and one things to catch you up on, I can provide the big highlight here – I got married! Last month, I married the love of my life; the day was absolutely amazing, and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. The road leading up to that day was filled with a lot of work, planning, and preparation – and as you can imagine, took quite a toll on my mental health! But it was all worth it and at the end of the day, I am overjoyed and overwhelmed with positive emotion when I think about that day, which is all I can really ask for.
I’d like to say that’s the main reason I (unintentionally) stepped away from this space, but I don’t quite know if that’s true. Because I’ve been here before. Writing a similar message, about a similar topic. At the time, I had just gotten engaged. After months of struggling to come up with topics and ideas, I’d been re-invigorated to get back into writing. And although I turned out a few posts here and there…it didn’t stick.
For a long time, I thought about why it didn’t stick. I doubted myself as a writer, a blogger, and as a mental health advocate. I worried that I had nothing left to give here, or that my opinions didn’t matter. There was part of me that thought maybe I’d even plateaued, and had no more original thoughts to offer on mental health, wellness, or anything related to those things.
And who knows? Maybe that’s true (I kid…mostly). But in truth, I don’t think that’s what it is. I think, like many things, it was an accumulation. I went through a period of massive change in my life, and while I think I did handle it okay, it took its toll on my mental health. Most days went well, but I often felt like it took everything out of me to have a decent day. And here’s the thing – that period of change? It’s not over. In fact, the fact that the world changes around me every single day – and that I change with it – is actually one of the most consistent things I know to be true about my life.
Life, as with mental health, ebbs and flows. Things are busier than ever one day, then calm the next. Months can pass where we feel like we are constantly bombarded with tasks, items, details, and to-do’s, when we look up and realize another school year has passed, or another holiday is upon us. But there can also be times that feel so mundane or humdrum, that we yearn for the days of chaos and calamity. Over time, I’ve come to see that regardless of where we are, the grass often feels greener on the other side.
So here I am. Seeing the grass on the other side and choosing, trying to choose, the patch of the world I’m standing on now. Life will happen, as it so often does, and I will live, as I have done my best to do for the past 32 years. But I take it I’ve learned a thing or two in the last eight months and, as I shake myself out of this writer’s fog, I’m excited to figure out what exactly that is, and share it with all of you.
My Brain's Not Broken 