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A Special Post for When You Need It

Nathan SmithLeave a comment

Hello there. I hope that wherever you’re reading this, whenever you’re reading this, that you’re having a nice day. And if you’re not, I’m sorry to hear that – but I hope that your day gets better. And if it doesn’t? Well, I hope tomorrow is better.

It’s a simple message, but it’s one I feel compelled to share today. It’s a thought I have on my mind quite a bit these days, and it’s one I don’t think I do a good enough job of sharing. But sometimes, every so often, on some rare occasions, we have bad days. And the way we deal with these bad days (and of course I’m generalizing, and putting all of humanity into one big category, but please stay with me) is not always healthy. And that can be hard. I want to find a better way.

But I’m not here to admonish myself or anyone reading this, I promise you. I’m only here today to say one thing: you’re going to be okay. It’s okay if you’re having a bad day. It’s okay if you’re struggling. It’s okay if you are going through a difficult time. I’m not saying these things to put any pressure on you, or to make you think you need to feel better right now. Think of it more as a gentle reminder, a message being dimly projected onto the clouds of your sad day. It’s going to be okay.

When will it be okay? Unfortunately, I don’t know. It could be a long time. We all have different things going on in our lives, and at times, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. When I first started experiencing depression, I asked this question often: when will it be okay? I asked that question to myself for years. Even when things did get better – even when I got better – I continued asking myself that question. Slowly, over time, I asked it less. And I consider that a victory.

But back to this bad day that you might be having. There are a million and one reasons we might not be feeling great, and they are as different as humans are from each other. But one thing that we all have in common is that ignoring a bad day will do nothing to prevent us from having another one (and don’t worry, I found some science behind this). My point? While there might be many reasons for our troubles, what we all have in common is that for each and every one of us, they do in fact exist. And we do have to deal with them.

So back to you, the reader. I don’t know when you’ll read this post, or where life has found you when you do. Maybe it’s a beautiful day, maybe it’s a cloudy one. Maybe you just had a crying spell, or maybe you haven’t been able to drag yourself off the couch. But I want you to hear this, and I want you to internalize it as much as you can: it’s going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for a long time. But it will be.

And maybe you’re having a wonderful day – that makes me happy even thinking about it. Sorry if this post has been a downer; that’s not my intention. But if you are in fact having a nice day, and my post doesn’t quite resonate with you in this moment, I’d kindly ask you to share it with someone who might need to hear it (you’d know better than I). I’m not writing this to share toxic positivity, or to be glass half full, or to tell you something I think you or someone else wants to hear. I am only sharing a reminder that I wish I would’ve heard more when I was younger, and something I try to tell myself as often as I can. It’s something I forget on those hard days, those times when I can’t think another thought because I’m just too tired. But it’s going to be okay. Maybe that isn’t the most important message in the world, but I believe it’s one worth sharing. And I hope you do, too.

And just for fun, here’s something you might like – you might already know this song, but it’s one that picks me up time and again, and is very special to me. Have a day, however it is:

What Counts As Progress?

Nathan Smith1 Comment

The idea for this post stemmed from what I wrote last week about setbacks. I’ve been trying to think of different ways to process setbacks, and a large aspect of that is thinking about the progress I’ve made. Sure, I can take a step back on something in life, but am I remembering the three steps forward? It is a good reminder to think about the ways we process setbacks, but it also made me realize something about progress – and that is that I don’t always know how to track it.

This might make me sound old (I’m starting to say that a lot these days), but it does seem like in today’s day and age, we can track everything. If you want to plan something, organize something, or sort out a routine, there’s an app or a tool or something to help you track it. There are a million and one ways to see our progress in all aspects of our lives – and I think because of that, we start to feel like we should be able to track our own progress as human beings (oh, if it were only so simple).

How do you measure your progress? Take, for instance, exercise. Pretty simple, right? If your goal is to run a marathon, you can train for it, and use distance, time, or other measurements to track your progress leading up to the race. There are plenty of ways to measure progress like this – we look at where we are now, where we want to be, and where we’ve been to count that progress.

But life doesn’t always work like that. We have ups and downs, periods where it seems like nothing is happening and times where it feels like one thing after another. When it comes to mental health, our journeys can have more twists and turns than we know what to do with. And when it comes to our mental health, knowing what progress looks like is very similar to knowing ourselves.

When I was first dealing with my mental health challenges, I don’t think I knew how to measure progress. One of the reasons for that was that I didn’t know myself all that well. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. But after more than a decade of learning about my own mental health and the challenges I have, I’ve come to know myself just as well. Today, I can measure progress in a way that was impossible a decade ago, or even just a few years ago.

This might sound like I’m just pondering on the concept of progress, but I promise it’s deeper than that. Because each one of us has our own definition of progress and what it looks like in our lives. And because of this, it’s up to each and every one of us to know what actually counts as progress.

For instance, I currently have a goal of meditating at least five times per week. And while I don’t often meet that goal, it exists because of progress I’ve made in meditation over the years. It only exists because of the hundreds of times I’ve sat myself down, pressed play on a meditation, and focused on my breathing. But for someone else, that same goal might feel easy. It might feel impossible. And whether they succeed or fail, they would have a different vision of the progress they’ve made based on who they are and their own life experiences.

I guess my point is, at the end of the day, progress is progress. And what looks like one step forward to one person, could look like ten steps forward to someone else. It’s up to you to know what actually counts, and I hope that gives you confidence as you move forward in your mental health journey. Because while it’s nice to keep on top of everything little thing, there’s nothing wrong with zooming out, looking at the bigger picture, and realizing that human beings often accomplish a lot more than we ever give ourselves credit for.

"It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen."

Showing Yourself Love On Valentine’s Day

Nathan Smith4 Comments

I’ve written before about the effect that holidays can have on our mental health, and Valentine’s Day is no exception. Loneliness, isolation and depression are common feelings this time of year, and even though the causes might be different than other times of the year, those feelings are persistent. Whether you’ve been through a breakup or are frustrated by past disappointments in your love life, the feelings that come up can be very difficult to manage. Managing difficult thoughts and feelings is central to mental wellness, and even though it’s difficult to view it through a mental health lens, addressing these feelings in a healthy and natural way is important for us to heal. It’s also a way that we can properly feel the anger or sadness that we rightfully deserve to feel without letting it derail us on our mental health journeys. Here are a few ways to specifically manage those feelings this Valentine’s Day.

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Dating With Depression: Putting Yourself Out There

Nathan Smith5 Comments

I’ve written on the blog before that living with mental illness can impact daily life in so many ways. One of those ways that has the biggest impact is with the relationships we form. My entire adult life, I wasn’t really sure how I’d approach dating with depression, and it was something I was afraid of. I’ve written in the past about some types of relationships, but I’ve never really had the courage or knowledge of how to write about romantic relationships – until recently. From putting yourself out there, to opening up and having those conversations about your mental health and figuring out what comes next, dating when you live with mental illness – and dating someone who lives with a mental illness – isn’t easy to navigate. Where do we even start? Well friends, I’m here to help (with the limited personal experience I have). Welcome to Dating with Depression – told with the help of a wonderful woman I’ve been fortunate to get to know this year.

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Do The Things You Love

Nathan Smith7 Comments

I absolutely love live music. I’m not the most musically proficient person (I played the saxophone in middle school and sang in a boy choir until puberty hit), but something I discovered when I reached adulthood was that I love going to live shows. Since a majority of the bands I like are smaller acts, that meant I was hitting small clubs and intimate venues in tons of cities listening to my favorite bands and songwriters.

I’ve had different concert buddies over the years, but there have always been people willing to go see shows with me. One constant concert pal is Kevin, who I’ve seen tons of shows with. We had a particularly crazy stretch where we saw three concerts at three different venues over the course of eleven days. And it ROCKED.

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It’s hard to describe what going to a live show does for me. I think the biggest thing is that, for a few hours, it seems like nothing else matters. It’s just me, the people around me, and the band putting on their show. Everything else takes a back seat. All my problems and worries are set to the side while I immerse myself in the music.

An annoying symptom of depression is that sometimes you don’t enjoy things the way you used to. Over the years, that loss of joy has happened with a lot of things. I have fought to enjoy things I once loved, and don’t enjoy certain activities quite like I used to. So when I do find something I love to do, I hold on to it as tightly as I can.

We all have things we love to do – activities, pastimes, whatever you want to call them. There are things out there that make us feel alive, at peace, content – happy. Oftentimes, after we do those things, we think to ourselves I should do this more.

And you’re right. You should. Not just because life is short and you should make the most of your time (though that is a good reason), but because you deserve it. You deserve to do the things you love because it’s another reminder that you’re a human who loves things – just like everyone else. We all deserve it. So what’s stopping you?

I love to travel, write, and see live music. What are the things YOU love to do? Let me know in the comments!