thoughts

Returning to Writing With a Renewed Focus

Nathan Smith2 Comments

Well, I’m back! It’s been several months, but I’m excited to be writing here again. I’ve taken breaks every now and then in the seven years since I started this blog; they are often unexpected and unscheduled, and I try to feel things out for the best time to return. In this case, I knew that I’d need to take a few months off from writing. At the same time, I expected to be getting back to it again in 2024, but that turned out not to be the case. And I am learning that not only is that okay, but it’s to be expected if I want to continue this project for as long as I am able to do so.

When I started My Brain’s Not Broken, I wanted to document my journey living with anxiety and depression. I was getting better at managing my symptoms, but there was still a lot I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand the number of ways that anxiety and depression impacted me. I didn’t understand just how vast the stigma surrounding mental health was – a stigma I’ve learned a lot about over the years. And I didn’t have any idea of the journey that writing would take me on.

One of the main reasons that I take breaks from writing is that I believe I don’t have much to say at the moment. As time passes, I feel even more strongly that this is the case. This time, though, was a little bit different. My life has been very busy since August, and I have had difficulty coming up with ideas and topics that I thought were worth sharing. While things have settled since then, I was still struggling to come up with post ideas. But the other day I remembered something that, time and again, has empowered me both in the mental health space, and as a human being.

Coming up with ideas for the blog hasn’t always been easy. Oftentimes, I feel like I am making things up as I go along. But there have also been times where I have been able to write several posts at a time; there have been times where the words pour out of me, where I am more than happy to share my perspective with whomever happens to visit this tiny corner of the Internet. And while I would prefer the latter to the former, both of these things are part of my experience as a writer, a mental health advocate, and a person.

So, like I have been doing for the past seven years, I am going to write what I know. I am going to write to my experience, and I am going to write from my own unique perspective. We all have our own stories to tell; over time, those stories may shift and change, but they are still ours. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and my mental healthy, in writing this blog. But as I have written time and time again, this is a lifelong journey – one I am proud to take part in.

But it’s not just my journey that I write about. According to the World Health Organization, one in eight people worldwide lives with a mental health disorder, a number that rises by millions every year. Despite all the awareness that’s been raised, all the progress we’ve seen, mental health continues to be a significant issue for everyone. We are all impacted by mental health challenges in some way and more we ignore it, the worse things will get.

So now, I am not just writing for myself. I’m writing to raise awareness; I’m writing to bring hope and joy to people who might feel lost and alone. I’m writing because mental health impacts everyone, and has the power to impact every aspect of our lives. The better we understand it, the better we understand ourselves and each other. We are stronger together, we are better together, and we are on this journey together. I’m glad to be back, and I hope you can join me for the ride.

Reflecting on the Idea of Permanent Solutions

Nathan Smith5 Comments

When it comes to problems and challenges in our lives, we all want the perfect solution. We want to know what we have to do or say to make the problem go away. Maybe we can buy a product that helps us overcome the challenge; other times, building a new routine is the way to go. Finding a solution to a problem is a daily occurrence for most people. It happens in every area of our life — and it is especially apparent when it comes to our mental health. But these solutions aren’t always permanent, and that’s the challenge that brings me to this blog post today.

Finding the Right Solution

So, what do I mean when I talk about mental health solutions? I’m using that term to describe all the things we do in our day-to-day life to take care of our mental health. While this includes activities like therapy, exercise and meditation, it goes beyond that. There are smaller choices we make every single day that impact our lives and our well-being, and finding mental health solutions, to me, means figuring out the best ways we can move through our day.

For example, my anxiety can make decision-making quite difficult. I also can feel pressure to communicate with people in the “right way” (spoiler alert: there isn’t one right way, as it turns out), or want to make sure I’m giving someone the correct answer every time they ask a question. Over the years, I’ve found solutions to these issues, both in terms of how I deal with the problem, but also in how I view it. And while I’ve spoken about these solutions in previous posts, it’s just as important to remember how to best approach these solutions. I’ve found that the most important thing to remember is that when it comes to our mental health challenges, not all solutions are permanent.

Embracing Impermanence

Embracing the idea of impermanent solutions is difficult. A permanent fix to our problems would be ideal: you identify the issue, you find a solution, and you make sure that when the problem comes up again, you remember how you solved it before. While that is all well and good for most problems, it doesn’t always work with mental health issues. And that is because not only does our mental health change, but we change. Sometimes, a solution that used to work for us doesn’t anymore. And that’s okay.

Maybe this post is just inspired by the meditation app I use, which places a heavy focus on the impermanence of things. I used to view this approach as troublesome and hard to navigate, but I’ve learned to embrace it. Every moment is different because we change, grow and adapt to new situations throughout our lives.

Focusing on What Works Best For You

But even though most solutions aren’t permanent when it comes to my mental health, there is a freedom in that. I used to think that if I gave up on something (a new mental health technique, a different type of therapy, etc.) when it came to my mental health, I was failing; that there was something wrong with me. I’ve now learned to have the courage and foresight to know that not every mental health tip is going to work for me and that when it stops working, I don’t have to keep banging my head against the wall until it does.

Now I do want to be clear that I’m not encouraging folks to make major life changes or major changes to their mental health plans without consulting anyone. It would not be good to stop proven solutions like medications or consistent talk therapy at the drop of a hat (in fact, stopping SSRI’s abruptly can be dangerous to your physical and mental health). This post serves more as a reminder that sometimes when things aren’t working, it’s okay to explore other solutions. Our mental health ebbs and flows throughout the course of our lives, and it’s important to respond to those changes when they occur.

And though it is likely that not all mental health solutions will work for us forever, it’s possible they will. Everyone’s mental health journey is different, and as long as you’re working to find healthy solutions that work for you, while respecting and being mindful of the people and world around us, you’re on the right path.

"After every storm the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution, and the soul's indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer." - William R. Alger

Am I Taking Care of Myself? Am I Really?

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Do you ever feel like your day just isn’t going well? I know we all have good days and bad ones, but I’m talking about something different. It’s those days when everything feels a little off, or when every decision you make seems to be the wrong one. These situations are tricky because things could certainly be worse (as we remind ourselves), but that also doesn’t solve the confusing problem at hand. Unfortunately, anxiety can exacerbate some of these more challenging days, taking situations that are challenging and turning them into overwhelming messes (I know where of I speak). But I’m here today with a possible solution, and it’s relatively simple – drink some water.

Okay, okay; this isn’t my entire bit of advice. But it is the lead-in to an important question that, in my opinion, we don’t ask ourselves enough when considering our mental health. And that question is, what am I doing to take care of myself?

Look, I get it; there’s enough going on in our day-to-day lives, it’s easy to understand how some things can fall through the cracks. But taking care of ourselves does not have to seem as difficult, time-consuming or labor intensive as we think. One of the reasons I used to find this topic so daunting is because I thought about this in the context of ‘self-care,’ which to me meant something else entirely. I don’t have time to take care of myself in the ways I need, I’d think.

But here’s the thing: I was wrong. I thought that self-care revolved around a lot of the buzz words and activities we hear about today. Maybe I needed to take more mental health days, or visit a spa. I could do more yoga, or exercise in a way that made me feel good. And while all those things do contribute to self-care, I’ve learned that there are basic things that, when missed, make my day-to-day life more difficult. One of which is just…drinking water.

I remember when I wrote about how our health is more than just physical, and all the research I did into figuring out the different aspects of our health. Even though it made perfect sense at the time, putting it into practice was more difficult than I anticipated. It’s not that I needed to be actively thinking about this; I just needed to be more intentional.

There have been times where I’ve had a headache, or I’ve felt sad, and now I think to myself: do I just need to drink some water? Do I need a snack? A nap? I’m not saying those things solve all my problems (believe me), but there are times where my anxiety or depression can deter the other ways I need to take care of myself. I would guess that over the years, some bouts of depression were made more difficult due to my lack of taking care of myself in other areas in life.

Now before you get ahead of yourself, I want to say that this advice isn’t recommended as a singular fix, or for someone mental health crisis or facing recurring challenges. I didn’t come here to say that your depression will be solved with a drink of water and a little treat (unfortunately for us both). However, figuring out the best ways to take care of ourselves from one day to the next is how we can build a strong foundation for when times are difficult. With patience and practice, our self-knowledge can grow, and make us better equipped to face the next challenge when it comes to our mental health and wellness.

How My Depression Changed Over Time

Nathan Smith2 Comments

You know, it’s funny. You would think, after ten years of living with depression, of experiencing it on and off, I’d have a better understanding of it by now. Some days I feel like I do. I feel like I understand why I’m experiencing symptoms, or I know exactly what I can do to alleviate these symptoms and feel better. But other days, it’s like I’m dealing with depression for the first time. Maybe that sounds like I haven’t learned much about depression, but I’d disagree. For me, there’s a difference between learning about depression and learning about how to deal with my own depression — and that’s what I’d like to talk about today.

When I first learn about a new idea or concept, I love to take in as much information as I can. I don’t know if this is the most helpful way to learn, but it’s my instinct to cast a wide net. Early on in my journey with depression, I cast as wide of a net as I could. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, and tried to glean as much as I possibly could about what it’s like to live with depression. And even though I learned a lot that was helpful, I was also overwhelmed with the amount of information and experiences that exists. Not all the information I learned worked for me, and I got frustrated quickly.

I’ve written about this on the blog before – when it comes to dealing with depression, what might work for me might not work for you, and so on and so forth. But this isn’t simply a message of finding what works for you. What’s gotten me frustrated lately is to see how my depression has changed and adapted to the changes in my life as I continue to move through it. The intrusive thoughts have changed course, attacking different areas of my mental health. The things I was insecure or anxious about at 20 years old aren’t the same things that exist today, and my brain knows that. The symptoms of depression may not change for people over the years but sometimes, it feels like they come from everchanging sources.

At some point in talking about depression, I realized I had to change my focus. Instead of learning as much about the topic as I could, I needed to learn more about myself. I needed to learn about my instincts, my habits, how I dealt with success and failure. I didn’t really know myself, and that lack of self-knowledge was a barrier to mental wellness.

That’s not to say any of this is easy; getting to know ourselves is a life-long journey. We’re constantly growing and changing, and so is the world around us. This is all to say that what’s true for us one day might not be true a few years down the road, and that’s okay. The better we come to know and understand ourselves, the better equipped we are to deal with the mental health challenges in our lives. I know that despite everything, I am better equipped to handle my depression than I did ten years ago, and that fact gives me strength for the present and hope for the future.

I’d love to hear from you on this topic! Do you think the way you experience mental health challenges changes over time? What tips or techniques have you done to help improve your own mental health? Let me know in the comments!

One Foot in Front of the Other

Nathan Smith2 Comments

Time can be tricky to manage. Sometimes, it feels like time is moving at a snail’s pace. Other times, it feels like our life is moving faster than we can keep up with – weeks, months (even years!) might feel like they pass in the blink of an eye. Regardless of how it moves, my least favorite aspect of time is when I tend to lose track of it.

This fall, I celebrated six years of blogging. In fact, this is my 500th post on My Brain’s Not Broken – a number so high I can’t even process it at the moment (and no, I didn’t intend for this post to be number 500, but here we are!). At some point a few years ago, I got into the rhythm of writing two blog posts per week. It felt manageable, I had a lot to write about, and I felt like there was a ton of experience to pull from in writing my posts. But in the past few months, I started to feel pressure when it came to my blog, and it was a new experience for me.

I’ll be clear, though; all this pressure was internal. I don’t quite know when it happened but somewhere in the past few years, I started to feel the pressure I’d put on myself to churn out two blog posts every week. For all you creators out there – you know what it’s like to put out content because you’ve made a commitment and you told yourself you would do it. The goals I set for this blog are entirely internal and up to me to create and yet, I feel extreme pressure from myself all the time to live up to the expectations I set – even if those expectations aren’t always realistic.

This post is my way of trying to return to this space feeling a little fresher, a little more rested, and ready to get back into blogging. But in the spirit of honesty, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes, taking a break from something can give us the rest we need. But it can also become a source of anxiety and stress if we don’t know what our break is for or how long we’re doing it. When I take a break from something, that’s usually what happens.

Unfortunately, I am not returning to this space refreshed, or ready to tackle this project with a fresh sense of perspective. However, I am returning with a renewed purpose. Going forward, I might not be posting as much as I’d prefer. But I’ve determined that continuing to write, to continue sharing my story and the stories of others is ultimately more important than not posting at all. I’ve seen the power and strength that come when people speak up about mental health and mental illness, and it’s these moments that continue to fuel me.

However this journey continues for My Brain’s Not Broken, I am excited. I want to give myself the grace and understanding I give to others because we’re often kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Even though mental health awareness has improved in many ways since I started this blog, people’s mental health and wellness are being tested in ways that I couldn’t imagine a decade ago. All I can do now, in this moment, is to keep moving at my own pace, deliberately, head held high, one foot in front of the other. And I hope that when you have these same moments when you feel like you have no more to give, you can find it in yourself to do the same.

“You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead.” - George Lucas

Jumping From One Thought to Another

Nathan Smith2 Comments

One aspect of mental health that I think is fascinating is the idea of high-functioning mental illness. I’ve written posts about high-functioning anxiety and high-functioning depression and even though I’ve learned a lot about both over the years, there is still so much to learn. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about how my brain works when I’m experiencing high-functioning anxiety – the way I race to get things done, the pressure I put on myself to finish things by the arbitrary (often unrealistic) deadlines I’ve set. Today, I want to reflect on why it can sometimes be challenging to race from one thing to another all the time.

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A Busy, Busy, Busy Mind

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As someone who lives with anxiety, my brain often feels like it’s moving a million miles per hour. I think we all feel this way at one time or another; we have so many things to do, and it doesn’t seem like there’s enough time to do it all. I’ve noticed the themes of relaxing and slowing down on my posts in recent months, and I think that’s a response to my current state of being. I always deal with the challenge of a busy mind from time to time but lately, I feel like it’s a daily struggle. Why is my brain trying to do everything, everywhere, all at once? And what can I do about it?

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My Brain’s Not Broken Song of the Month – Don’t Matter Now

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I love music. I love listening to it, having it on in the background, seeing it live, popping on a record. I love the way music can make me feel any and every emotion there is, sometimes without even trying. Most importantly, I love music because of the way it impacts my mental health.

That’s why, each month on My Brain’s Not Broken, I’m going to share a song with you. It might be a song I can’t stop listening to at the moment, or a song I have a history with. It could be a song I don’t know much about, or I’ve listened to a thousand times. Regardless of the reason, these songs have inspired me and my mental health, and I want to share them with you. Whether you’ve heard of them or not, I hope these songs give you more insight into my world and my approach to mental health.

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Five Ways to Deal With Mental Filters

Nathan Smith2 Comments

In Tuesday’s breakdown of mental health terms, I wrote about mental filters, what they look like and how they appear in our lives. Mental filters can go my many names, but what’s important to know is that they can impact the way we view the world. When mental filters go unchallenged for too long, they can change the way we think, the way we perceive what’s going on around us. Filtered thinking can become instinctual without us realizing and have a severe impact on our thought patterns. Today, I want to look at five things you can do when dealing with mental filters and filtered thinking.

Notice your mental filters

One of the reasons mental filters can grow into harmful thought patterns is because they go unchecked. My filtering went unchecked and unchallenged for years, to the point where I just thought that’s who I was. Mental filters have a way of clouding your brain, and making you think that’s just how your thought process is. Even if you can’t stop yourself from filtering, noticing when it’s happening is a big first step.

Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts (easier said than done)

When you’re able, try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. They could be positive thoughts about your situation or yourself in general; any positive thoughts are going to help. For a long time, I was under the impression that positive thoughts were thoughts that improved my mood or made me happy. With time, I’ve learned that while that’s sometimes the case, it’s not the only purpose of positive thinking. In this case, positive thoughts are directly challenging the negative ones, trying to find a healthy balance where your brain can rest. Even if it’s only occasionally, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is worth trying.

Recognize your thought patterns

I’ll be honest – I don’t always know why I have the thoughts I do. Some things just pop in my head, never to be thought again. Other times, it’s like a thought can’t get out of my head for hours. Even though I don’t understand every thought or why it’s there, there are patterns. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize these patterns – what they look like, and what triggers them. I can’t always stop these patterns from occurring and I won’t recognize them every time. But the effort I put in to recognize these patterns, and try to combat them when they occur, will grow stronger over time.

Call it out for what it is

The terms mental filters, filtered thinking, or filtered thoughts aren’t as widely known as other psychological terms, and that’s something that needs to change. When we can name something for what it is – or name what we’re doing, what’s going on in our brain – we can lessen the damage or confusion around it. The times I’ve been able to recognize my filtering and call it out for what it is, I feel better. I feel more equipped to handle these thoughts and even though they might still make me anxious, the impact is lessened.

Separate the good from the bad

This might be the most obvious thing in the world, but not all of our thoughts are bad. In fact, for some of us the majority of our thoughts aren’t bad. But there is a fixation we can have on negative thoughts, where it feels like we have much more of them than actually exist. By separating the positive thoughts from the negative ones, we can compare and contrast how big of a challenge we’re up against. One negative thought has the power and ability to outweigh several positive ones, especially when we fixate on it. By actively trying to separate these thoughts, we can prove that more often than not, positive thoughts are buzzing around in our brain – it’s just harder to locate them.

What are your thoughts on mental filters, or filtered thinking? Have you heard of this term? How do you try to deal with filtered thinking? Let me know in the comments!

"All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions." - Leonardo da Vinci

Music and My Mental Health – Part Two

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Earlier this week, I wrote about the connection between music and my mental health. I’ve wanted to write a post like this for a long time, but it was challenging. It’s hard to put into words the impact music has had throughout my mental health journey. In Tuesday’s post, I did a lot of research to show the benefits of music, and how it can help improve people’s mental health. Today, I want to expand on that a little bit, and talk about my own relationship with music. Time and again, music has given me a space to feel seen, heard and understood in my mental health challenges.

In my research for my post earlier this week, I found a passage from a Harvard University blog that summed up a lot of my feelings when it comes to music:

“As complex human beings from a wide variety of cultures, with a variety of life experiences and mental and physical health needs, our connection with music is very personal.”

Harvard Health Publishing

I love this quote because I think it’s something extremely underrated about music. Human beings are complex, so why wouldn’t our music be just as intricate and interesting? There are so many genres of music; even within those genres, there are sub-genres and musical styles that are hyper-niche and specific. And to me, that feels like a wonderful parallel for mental health.

Even though I don’t create music myself, it’s a constant in my life. I’ve struggled on and off with depersonalization over the years, when I don’t always feel like a real person doing real things. But music is a way to deal with those struggles. In fact, it’s become one of my go-to ways to help me feel connected to the world around me. When I put on a song that matches my mood, my confidence picks up a bit. Things might not going right for me but in this moment, I can speak to that in a way that reminds me how well I know myself.

I love listening to music, but I also love having music on while I’m going about my day. It feels like I’m setting the soundtrack to my day, and I can take that day in any direction I’d like. It’s a reminder that while I’m not always in control of everything, I can still have fun with what’s within my control. And in that sense, it’s an apt metaphor for my mental health.

Music has encouraged me and inspired me. It’s picked me up when I’m down, and comforted me when I couldn’t get out of bed. It’s grounded me when I don’t feel like myself, calmed me down when I feel anxious and boosted my mood when I’m depressed. For all of these reasons, I’m excited to introduce a new type of post that will be coming soon to My Brain’s Not Broken! There are so many songs that have impacted me and my mental health over the years, and I want to share them with you.

Once a month, I’ll share a song I love that has had a big impact on my mental health journey. I’m hoping this will help me share more about myself and my mental health journey, in addition to giving some love to some of the songs and artists that have been there for me over the years. Be on the lookout for this new feature on the blog and until then, I hope you listen to some music that feeds your soul!

This week was all about music on My Brain’s Not Broken, and now I want to hear from YOU. What is your relationship with music, and do you think it has an impact on your mental health? Let me know in the comments!

"Music is healing. Music holds things together." Quote by Prince.