lifestyle

Am I Taking Care of Myself? Am I Really?

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Do you ever feel like your day just isn’t going well? I know we all have good days and bad ones, but I’m talking about something different. It’s those days when everything feels a little off, or when every decision you make seems to be the wrong one. These situations are tricky because things could certainly be worse (as we remind ourselves), but that also doesn’t solve the confusing problem at hand. Unfortunately, anxiety can exacerbate some of these more challenging days, taking situations that are challenging and turning them into overwhelming messes (I know where of I speak). But I’m here today with a possible solution, and it’s relatively simple – drink some water.

Okay, okay; this isn’t my entire bit of advice. But it is the lead-in to an important question that, in my opinion, we don’t ask ourselves enough when considering our mental health. And that question is, what am I doing to take care of myself?

Look, I get it; there’s enough going on in our day-to-day lives, it’s easy to understand how some things can fall through the cracks. But taking care of ourselves does not have to seem as difficult, time-consuming or labor intensive as we think. One of the reasons I used to find this topic so daunting is because I thought about this in the context of ‘self-care,’ which to me meant something else entirely. I don’t have time to take care of myself in the ways I need, I’d think.

But here’s the thing: I was wrong. I thought that self-care revolved around a lot of the buzz words and activities we hear about today. Maybe I needed to take more mental health days, or visit a spa. I could do more yoga, or exercise in a way that made me feel good. And while all those things do contribute to self-care, I’ve learned that there are basic things that, when missed, make my day-to-day life more difficult. One of which is just…drinking water.

I remember when I wrote about how our health is more than just physical, and all the research I did into figuring out the different aspects of our health. Even though it made perfect sense at the time, putting it into practice was more difficult than I anticipated. It’s not that I needed to be actively thinking about this; I just needed to be more intentional.

There have been times where I’ve had a headache, or I’ve felt sad, and now I think to myself: do I just need to drink some water? Do I need a snack? A nap? I’m not saying those things solve all my problems (believe me), but there are times where my anxiety or depression can deter the other ways I need to take care of myself. I would guess that over the years, some bouts of depression were made more difficult due to my lack of taking care of myself in other areas in life.

Now before you get ahead of yourself, I want to say that this advice isn’t recommended as a singular fix, or for someone mental health crisis or facing recurring challenges. I didn’t come here to say that your depression will be solved with a drink of water and a little treat (unfortunately for us both). However, figuring out the best ways to take care of ourselves from one day to the next is how we can build a strong foundation for when times are difficult. With patience and practice, our self-knowledge can grow, and make us better equipped to face the next challenge when it comes to our mental health and wellness.

Habit Forming and Mental Health

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After writing about high-functioning anxiety earlier this week, I started thinking about habits. Over the course of our lives, we develop habits of all kinds. They can be good for us, they can be bad for us. They can be the thing we need to get through the day, or they can be something we do absentmindedly before bed. Regardless of where they originated from, habits form a major aspect of our day-to-day lives. And sometimes, without meaning to or realizing it, we can fall into habits without realizing it. This isn’t always a bad thing but when it comes to our mental health, it is something we should be aware of.

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The Challenge of Unintentional Assumptions

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Today, I want to talk about assumptions. Assumptions are part of our daily life, and they can happen at any time. We make assumptions off the biggest and smallest of clues, and they can largely depend on our mood at the time. While they can be harmless, they can also lead us down a path that is challenging and confusing if we’re not careful. A very frustrating things about assumptions is how unintentional they can be. Without meaning or trying to, you can assume the worst, and that can change the trajectory of your day. But in the past few weeks, I’ve learned a few lessons about assumptions, and I’d like to share one today.

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The Pressure to Make Every Moment Count

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One of my favorite things about working on this blog is how one post will lead me to another. Last week, I wrote about the ebbs and flows of my daily routine. That reflection led to me thinking about time management and how I deal with my free time. From there, my mind turned to why I have trouble managing any free time. Even if it’s only a moment, I struggle with deciding what to do and making the most of a few minutes to myself. And it’s that reflection that’s led me to this post today.

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A Reflection on Time Management

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After my latest post about the ebbs and flows of life, I thought more about my day-to-day life. I tend to get stuck in that thought from time to time, reflecting on my daily routine. Most of the time, we’re so busy that our schedule ends up coming together on its own. With the remaining time, we’re free to spend it as we see fit, but since it’s often limited, we try to make the most of things.

But there’s a different challenge I want to talk about today. It doesn’t happen all the time, but we’ve all been through it before. The challenge is: how do you manage things when you have too much time on your hands?

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Losing Track of Where I Am

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There are many ways my life has changed in the past few years. Many of those things are in my day-to-day life, but I also feel like the world is changing around me. From the way we work to the way we interact with the world, these changes mean that my life looks different. One of these ways is the ever-growing presence of multi-tasking in my day-to-day life. I’m not here to defend or attack multi-tasking (at least not today), but there’s no denying that it’s part of our lives. Not only is it easier than ever to multi-task, but I also tend to notice I can create more issues than I solve by doing so.

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If At First You Don’t Succeed…

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This is a post about trying and failing. And trying again, and failing again. Trying and failing so often, in fact, that I’ve forgotten how many times attempts I’ve made. In some ways, this is a post about meditation (and I’ve written a few of those posts before). But it’s also a post about being resilient, and staying open minded. Most importantly, it’s about the valuable lesson I learned when it comes to mental health. If at first you don’t succeed…well, it might not always work. But sometimes trying again can be just what you need.

The inspiration for this post was reflecting on my relationship with meditation. The way I view meditation has ebbed and flowed over the years. When I first heard about it, I was hoping and praying I’d found a way to solve my anxiety. I read up on the benefits of meditation, the value and importance of the practice. I listened to people talk about mindfulness and give advice, and I learned what I could.

I did my best to learn what I could about meditation and the first time I decided to give it a real try, I failed. Spectacularly, I might add. It put me more on edge, and made me even angrier at myself. It was having the opposite effect, and this first attempt didn’t last long. I left meditation alone for a while after that. I tried other things to manage my depression and anxiety, doing my best to grow my mental health toolboox.

But at least once (sometimes twice) a year, I would try and come back to meditation. And it was a struggle for me every. Single. Time. In fact, it wasn’t until last year – after nine years of experiencing depression and anxiety – that meditation became part of my daily practice. And even that process is still ongoing, more than a year later.

There will be other posts where I reflect on the specifics around my journey with meditation. Today, though, I want to focus on my mindset. When I first learned about meditation, I was excited. I thought it would be an important part of my mental health toolkit.

As it turns out I was right, but not for the reasons I thought. The main reason I wanted to improve at meditation was that I thought it would help me “get rid” of my mental illness. If I could conquer mindfulness, I could stop my depression. And this problematic assumption didn’t solve a thing.

I wouldn’t say that it was my resiliency that led me back to meditation time and again. I felt resilient, but that wasn’t the main motivation in coming back to it. What pulled me back in was the idea that I’d had the wrong mindset about meditation in previous attempts. And that’s the lesson I’ve learned time and again in a decade of living with anxiety and depression.

There’s a famous saying: “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” that I’d like to add to. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again – and if trying over and over isn’t working, that’s okay. But that what might not work for you today could be something that works for you in the future. We’re always changing and always evolving, and our mental health can be the same way. Sometimes, trying again is exactly what you need. Here’s hoping that second (or third, or fourth) try works in your favor.

Now I want to hear from you! What is something that took you awhile to learn, or took some time before you found success? Have you ever succeeded at something after failing in the past? I want to know! Let me know in the comments below.

"Take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly, and try another, but by all means, try something." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

A Reminder About Timelines

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What does it mean to have a timeline? Understanding and working with timelines feels like a key part of being part of today’s world. Whether at work or school, in our professional or personal lives, we have created a world that’s always on a timeline. Some plans might be short-term, while others can stretch on for years. Like many parts of our lives, there are pros and cons to these timelines. They can free us up or make us feel constrained; they can bring stress or relief. But today, I wanted to remind myself (and you, whenever you read this) of one very important thing: you are on your own timeline, and that timeline isn’t permanent.

The inspiration for this post happened around a month ago, when I wrote something about my excitement for the coming of spring, and the start of another month. To me, each month feels like a new opportunity, a chance to start fresh and improve where I can. That’s what made me think of timelines; I was reflecting on what mine are, how I create them and how they’re enforced. There were two key thoughts this reflection led to.

Even though every month is a new chance for me to start fresh, not everyone sees things that way. We all deserve a chance to slow down, take a deep breathe and reset. Some people do that on a daily basis; others on a yearly one. Doing this on a monthly basis works best for me, but I can see why someone else might find that challenging. This is a good reminder that even though we’re all human, we experience the world in different ways.

As I step into April, a few thoughts about timelines crossed my mind. The first key thought was my realization that not all my timelines are up to me. A lot of the timelines (and deadlines) I have are either a) asked of me, or b) created with my input. Either way, there are situations where I don’t have complete control, and that can be frustrating. I’d like to change my attitude on that, and it starts with recognizing what my own expectations are.

The other conclusion I came to – and this was the big thing for me – was the reminder that it’s okay to adjust your timeline. When I was younger, I saw most things in black and white. But with every passing year, I’m learning that most things aren’t that way. There are shades of nuance everywhere and not only is that okay, it makes sense. Human beings are complicated – why wouldn’t our problems be? So I try to adjust my attitude. Changing course doesn’t always signal failure, and making adjustments doesn’t mean you did something wrong. I know I’m way too harsh on myself when I have to adjust something. That’s because for a long time, I thought it was wrong to do so.

I’m not here to hate on deadlines or condemn people who make plans. I like both of these things, and they play an important role in our lives. What I’m also saying, however, is that it’s okay to adjust. It doesn’t mean we always can, but we shouldn’t forget we have that option. As you go into this month, I hope you can remember that – no matter what your timeline is or where you are on it.

"The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." - Leo Tolstoy

Mental Health Over Matter: An Interview with Noah Chenevert

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I recently got the opportunity to connect with Noah Chenevert, a mental health advocate and author of the recently published book “Mental Health Over Matter.” In this interview, we talked about the book, Noah’s approach to mental health, and his attitudes surrounding mental health in the current day and age. Thanks for taking the time, Noah!

The cover of Chenevert’s new book, “Mental Health Over Matter”

Congratulations on the recent publishing of your new book, Mental Health Over Matter! For those who haven’t read it, how would you describe this book?

Mental Health over Matter is a holistic book about the many areas influencing mental health. Nineteen experts demonstrate how individuals can stimulate their mental health in different areas such as exercise, sleep, and nutrition but also news, psychedelics, and sex.

What inspired you to write a book about mental health, and to have these thought-provoking conversations?

There are three major reasons why I decided to write this book:

  • Mental health is an extremely important topic and the number of people with mental health issues continues to increase. Many individuals need help but can’t (immediately) afford mental healthcare due to insufficient supply or budgetary constraints.
  • I found that a holistic view of mental health was missing. Good mental health is the sum of adequately incorporating many different practices. You can sleep and eat well, but your mental health will still suffer if you neglect other areas.
  • Improving my habits and lifestyle in these 19 areas has helped me/people around me the most. I wanted to share the wisdom, tools, and ideas of experts for everyone to learn from.
Noah Chenevert, author of the book "Mental Health Over Matter".
Noah Chenevert (photo via Chenevert)

Despite a change in attitude toward mental health in recent years, the mental health stigma still exists. Why do you think that is?

Although the overall attitude towards mental health does improve, the mental health stigma is unfortunately quite persistent. I have two explanations. First, many people still associate impaired mental health with ‘weakness,’ as if individuals (especially men) should always be strong. Depression or anxiety is not “sexy.” This often results from traditional beliefs which are fueled by toxic masculinity. Second, people still tend to underestimate the importance of mental health. If I break my arm, people can see that I’m injured. But when I would have severe anxiety or depression, it is more difficult for others to understand what I’m going through.

What is your approach to your own mental health?

At the end of my book, I identify nine overarching lessons that offer rules, attitudes, and guidelines you can adopt in your life to improve your mental health. Perhaps you will realize that you have already incorporated some of these lessons while others are new to you. (See attachment for the nine lessons)

What are the most important things that contribute to good mental health in your life?

I take a layered approach to mental health. The first layer consists of a good diet, sleep, and exercise. My mental health tends to suffer if I don’t pay enough attention to these three aspects.

The second layer is relationships/connections. A meta-analysis concluded that ‘the influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity’ and that ‘physicians, health professionals, educators, and the media should […] take social relationships as seriously as other risk factors that affect mortality. The third layer consists of other practices, such as going out in nature, mindfulness, and many other activities that have a good effect on your mental health.

If you could give one message about mental health and wellness, what would it be?

Focus on what works for you. Many people out there try to convince you that their way is “the magic solution.” But there is no uniform fix. What works for me might not work for you. And what works for me now might not work for me in a few years. We each must find our own way.

You can received more information about Noah’s book, “Mental Health Over Matter,” on his website.

The Camouflage of Self-Stigma

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I wish it weren’t true, but I’m extremely familiar with self-stigma. I’ve written about it before; in fact, I tried to break it down in a blog post last year. But as much as I’ve learned about how self-stigma exists in the world, I’m a whole different story. I have so much more to learn about how self-stigma exists within myself. How it moves, what it looks like for me and how to spot it when it happens.

Self-stigmatization about my own mental wellness disguises itself well. If it goes unchecked, this chain of events leads to negative thoughts and anxious spirals. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn more than once, but it’s a valuable one. The camouflage of self-stigma has always been, and will likely always be, a challenge for me.

One misconception I’ve had to learn about self-stigma is the judgement that it entails. When I first thought about self-stigma (what it was, what it means), I compared it to negative thoughts, self-hate or self-loathing. I thought it was another version of not liking yourself, another catchy mental health term that just means we think we’re awful.

But actually, it goes much deeper than that. To borrow from my post last year about self-stigma, the American Psychological Association defines it as:

“Self-stigma refers to the negative attitudes, including internalized shame, that people with mental illness have about their own condition.”

American Psychological Association

Stigma is a mark of disgrace, of shame. A social stigma (straight from the Wikipedia itself) is “the disapproval of, or discrimination against, an individual or group based on perceived characteristics that serve to distinguish them from other members of a society.” If we’re exercising a stigma about our own mental health condition, in some way, we disapprove of it. And even though it’s a tiny aspect of stigma, that can be a lot to unpack for a person.

I’d like to think that I grow more comfortable with my mental health challenges every day, but that’s not true. I’ve definitely grown more comfortable over a long period of time, but every day isn’t a step forward. And when I make a misstep or feel like I’ve failed, I don’t always recognize it for what it is. A harsh word or mean self-critique comes in quickly and before I know it, I think I’m too good for my depression.

I’m quicker than anyone to judge what I perceive as “failures” when it comes to handling depression. I shouldn’t be doing that anymore, I think to myself. I’m past this; I’m better than this. I take a linear approach to a non-linear problem and not only do I not find a solution, but I dig myself in even deeper. It’s a misunderstanding of my own mental illness, and a misunderstanding of mental health challenges in general.

One of the core aspects of self-stigma, at least for me, is rooted in shame. Shame about my mental illness, shame about the challenges it creates. But also, shame because there’s still a small part of me that thinks I should be better than this. That I’ve learned enough about mental health that “these things” shouldn’t be happening. But that’s not true; it never was. Self-stigma hides itself, it shapes itself and it molds itself to look like something else. Acknowledging this shame doesn’t mean it’ll go away. But hopefully, means I’m better suited to handle it when it inevitably rears its ugly head once again.

"Judge people not by what they are, but by what they strive to become." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky quote