It feels like it happens more often than it used to these days. I’ll be trying to finish a task or make a decision, and my brain will freeze up. I’ll get panicked, and I won’t be able to complete the task I started (if I can even remember it in the first place). I lose my breath, lose focus, lose my grip on whatever I was doing. This feeling I get, the feeling of becoming overwhelmed, has become more of a problem for me in recent years. In today’s post, I want to try and figure out why.
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Breaking Down Mental Health Terms: Understanding Symptoms
Today, I want to talk about symptoms. When it comes to mental health terms, I’d guess that the word “symptoms” is very well-known. Everyone has experienced an illness, or feeling unwell, at some point in their lives. We are told to look out for symptoms and when we see them, to stop what we’re doing and get help. Most often, what we’re told to do is rest. But when our symptoms aren’t always physical, or if those around us can’t see our symptoms, what do we do?
What Are Symptoms of Mental Health Issues?
As is often the case on this recurring feature of My Brain’s Not Broken, we start with a definition. Per the Cambridge Dictionary, a symptom is defined as: “any feeling of illness or physical or mental change that is caused by a particular disease.” Nothing new to see here, right? But I’d also like to direct you to an alternative definition of symptom, also from Cambridge: “any single problem that is caused by and shows a more serious and general problem.”
There are many health issues in life that involve immediate fixes. Do you have a cavity? Get it filled. Scrape your elbow? You put a band-aid on and wait for it to heal. You get sick? Don’t leave your bed. But when a symptom of mental illness is part of a larger mental health issue, the solution feels less direct. The symptoms of depression, anxiety and so many other mental illnesses have been discussed for years. Still, people look past that and connect symptoms with physical illnesses.
What Do Mental Health Symptoms Look Like?
Whether you’ve read it on My Brain’s Not Broken or another mental health blog, symptoms of mental health issues aren’t anything new. I don’t need to sit here listing the litany of symptoms of mental health diagnoses. But what is still misunderstood about mental illness is how those symptoms exist. It took a long time to understand that my depression and anxiety not only impact my mental health, but my physical health as well.
We tend to think of symptoms as things that exist for a short time but once they’re recognized and treated, go away. But when it comes to mental health, that isn’t always the case. I’ve learned about so many symptoms of my mental health challenges over the years. I’ve come to understand how they manifest themselves, when they most often appear and what triggers these moments. Despite that, these symptoms have continued to ebb and flow in the way they impact my life. It’s not as simple as bandaging it up, getting some rest or rubbing some dirt on it. Mental health symptoms are complicated, and underestimating that power is a big mistake.
What Can We Do About Them?
Here it is, the million dollar question: what can we do when it comes to dealing with symptoms of mental illness? The first thing I hope people do is deal with these symptoms in the same way they’d deal with a physical illness. If you think you have symptoms of a more serious issue, seek help. If your symptoms are getting in the way of you living your life, seek help.
People will go to the doctor for all sorts of reasons, but won’t see a mental health professional until they’ve struggled for years. This cycle has to stop. When we experience symptoms of a health issue over and over again, it’s okay to admit that something isn’t as it should be. Admitting it, understanding it and seeking help are the first things we should do. The more we understand how symptoms work and develop a healthy attitude toward them, the better we’re set up for success. Symptoms are one more piece of the puzzle to our mental wellness and the more we see it that way, the better off we are.
It’s taken me years to learn about my own symptoms and how they show up in my life – what about you? What is one of the most challenging things about dealing with your symptoms? Let me know in the comments!
The Camouflage of Self-Stigma
I wish it weren’t true, but I’m extremely familiar with self-stigma. I’ve written about it before; in fact, I tried to break it down in a blog post last year. But as much as I’ve learned about how self-stigma exists in the world, I’m a whole different story. I have so much more to learn about how self-stigma exists within myself. How it moves, what it looks like for me and how to spot it when it happens.
Self-stigmatization about my own mental wellness disguises itself well. If it goes unchecked, this chain of events leads to negative thoughts and anxious spirals. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn more than once, but it’s a valuable one. The camouflage of self-stigma has always been, and will likely always be, a challenge for me.
One misconception I’ve had to learn about self-stigma is the judgement that it entails. When I first thought about self-stigma (what it was, what it means), I compared it to negative thoughts, self-hate or self-loathing. I thought it was another version of not liking yourself, another catchy mental health term that just means we think we’re awful.
But actually, it goes much deeper than that. To borrow from my post last year about self-stigma, the American Psychological Association defines it as:
“Self-stigma refers to the negative attitudes, including internalized shame, that people with mental illness have about their own condition.”
American Psychological Association
Stigma is a mark of disgrace, of shame. A social stigma (straight from the Wikipedia itself) is “the disapproval of, or discrimination against, an individual or group based on perceived characteristics that serve to distinguish them from other members of a society.” If we’re exercising a stigma about our own mental health condition, in some way, we disapprove of it. And even though it’s a tiny aspect of stigma, that can be a lot to unpack for a person.
I’d like to think that I grow more comfortable with my mental health challenges every day, but that’s not true. I’ve definitely grown more comfortable over a long period of time, but every day isn’t a step forward. And when I make a misstep or feel like I’ve failed, I don’t always recognize it for what it is. A harsh word or mean self-critique comes in quickly and before I know it, I think I’m too good for my depression.
I’m quicker than anyone to judge what I perceive as “failures” when it comes to handling depression. I shouldn’t be doing that anymore, I think to myself. I’m past this; I’m better than this. I take a linear approach to a non-linear problem and not only do I not find a solution, but I dig myself in even deeper. It’s a misunderstanding of my own mental illness, and a misunderstanding of mental health challenges in general.
One of the core aspects of self-stigma, at least for me, is rooted in shame. Shame about my mental illness, shame about the challenges it creates. But also, shame because there’s still a small part of me that thinks I should be better than this. That I’ve learned enough about mental health that “these things” shouldn’t be happening. But that’s not true; it never was. Self-stigma hides itself, it shapes itself and it molds itself to look like something else. Acknowledging this shame doesn’t mean it’ll go away. But hopefully, means I’m better suited to handle it when it inevitably rears its ugly head once again.
Five Ways to Deal With Intrusive Thoughts
Earlier this week, I wrote about intrusive thoughts, what they look like, and what we can do about them. Intrusive thoughts can be hard to recognize – I went years before I even knew what they were – but we can deal with them and manage them in a healthy way. There are many ways to deal with intrusive thoughts, and I wanted to share some of the best ways I’ve found of doing so.
Name and label these thoughts as quickly as possible. One of the reasons intrusive thoughts can run wild in our minds is because we can’t figure out what’s going on. I’ve had so many thoughts that I wasn’t able to recognize or name as intrusive; that’s years of moments where a false narrative about who I am and what I’m about ran wild. Labeling intrusive thoughts as intrusive, as unwelcome and unwanted, as soon as you can will go a long way toward mental wellness.
Remind yourself that these thoughts are intrusive, and that not all your thoughts are up to you. I used to believe that every thought I had was a conscious decision on my part. I’d like to say that this was because I was young, or even a kid, but it’s mostly because of the misconception I had surrounding my brain and my thoughts. Not all of our thoughts have to mean anything, and most don’t. But when intrusive thoughts come in, it’s important to have that reminder in the moment so that things don’t fester and grow within us.
Don’t expect the thoughts to disappear in the blink of an eye. As much as I’d like to tell you that intrusive thoughts disappear when you acknowledge them, that’s unlikely to happen. In fact, awareness of an issue can often make things challenging in the short-term (something I’ve continuously learned in therapy this year). But even if it feels like there’s no progress being made, there is. You’re becoming stronger and more resistant to the false narratives in your head, and hopefully gaining mental strength in the process.
Acknowledge that there might be an underlying problem. While intrusive thoughts are associated with several mental health disorders, they can also be triggered by stress, anxiety or trauma in our lives. They can be short-term or long-term problems for people but either way, there might be something going on outside of these thoughts that we need to deal with. In fact, many people who deal with intrusive thoughts aren’t dealing with a mental health disorder, according to experts.
Remember that your thoughts are not who you are. People have thoughts, but they are not what make us. Accepting a thought that we’re having does not make us evil, rude, mean or a bad person. Pushing thoughts down, trying to ignore them and not deal with them, do nothing to make those difficult moments pass. Oftentimes, those thoughts will just come back bigger and badder than before. You are so much more than intrusive thoughts that might come and go every so often. In the grand scheme of things, intrusive thoughts can exist as they are – thoughts that come and go just like thousands, or even millions, of others in the course of our lives.
We can’t choose to have intrusive thoughts, but we can choose how we engage with them. The better prepared we are to go up against them, the better chance we have of building a mentally healthy foundation against intrusive thoughts, and other lesser-known aspects of health and wellness.
Have you ever dealt with intrusive thoughts? What’s a piece of advice you have for someone who’s had intrusive thoughts before? Let me know in the comments! Have a great weekend, friends.
Mental Health and Complacency
There have been many moments along my mental health journey where I’ve felt like I’ve failed. I don’t quite know how I’m failing or in what way, but I feel that I am. There’s a sense of impending doom, a fear that I am not living up to my potential, that I’m not accomplishing enough. Enough what? you might ask. To be honest, I don’t know what to tell you. This desire to be enough, to do enough isn’t only tied to what I’m hoping to gain. It’s also about what I’m hoping to avoid. There’s a fear of complacency about my mental health that I never want to test, and that is what I’d like to share today.
What does it mean to be complacent?
Complacency is a challenging word for me. It’s one of the many concepts that are difficult for a young person to grasp, despite how often people use the word. From what I could tell, I was trying my hardest at the things I tried growing up and avoiding complacency. I played sports, I tried my best in school and I tried to take something from the hobbies and activities I wasn’t as talented at.
But in those younger years, the idea of complacency never came up. It was when I was older that I heard adults talking about it, about the desire to to never settle. Complacency breeds failure, I was told. Being complacent will get in the way of winning. The fears of complacency were drilled into me as a teenager and young adult and I think these effects still resonate with me today.
I understand that there are plenty of areas in life where it’s not good to be complacent. That desire to strive and be the best at what we do is understandable. But what about in our mental health? What does it mean to be complacent with our mental health, and is that a good or bad thing?
What complacency means to me
Many of us have worked hard to get where we are with our mental health. It’s taken days, months and years of learning, understanding and trying to grow in ways that help us live healthier lives. We find what works and learn what doesn’t, but each new thing we learn is valuable. If I find something that works for my mental wellness, I want to build around it and make it part of my routine. I want my mental health to be as consistent as possible but given all I’ve been told in my life, that sounds eerily similar to complacency.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s not about complacency at all. It’s possible that mental illness can exacerbate my fear of complacency, or get in the way of it. I confuse a lot of things in life with anxiety and depression, and vice versa. It’s affected my relationship with happiness and joy, fear and panic. It’s changed how I see agitation and aggravation. But that’s okay. It’s all part of me. If I keep that desire to figure out my mental health challenges and move forward, I know I’m not being complacent. I’m simply doing the best I can with what I have which in my mind, is the opposite of being complacent.
Now, over to you! Do you have any sort of feelings about the word complacency? Is it a useful word in your life or (like me) do you struggle with it? Let me know in the comments!
Sitting With Feelings That Won’t Go Away
After writing earlier this week about how my mental health catches me off guard, I wanted to build on that message and have some tips and techniques for people to use when the same thing happens to them. But before I could dive into that, I had a few thoughts that were nagging at me. I understood how these things catch me off guard, but I couldn’t understand why. Doesn’t everyone have thoughts that distract them? I’d guess that some of the thoughts and feelings I struggle with are similar to ones that many people have. So why do they have such a big impact on me? Before I can tackle the how, I needed to tackle the why – which is what I’m writing about today.
Dealing with depression and anxiety often involves dealing with intrusive thoughts on a regular basis. I’ll be going about my day, maybe getting lost in a task at work or one of my hobbies, and then a thought will pop into my head. Most of my energy is spent dealing with the thought itself; I do some thinking about whether or not the thought is true or accurate. Sometimes it’s decoding a thought to realize it’s not even rational, or the fear I have is logically impossible.
But what often sticks with me isn’t always the contents of the thought I have. What tends to stick around are the feelings that these thoughts have instilled in me. I don’t always remember the thought process that made me feel sad; all I know is that in that moment, I’m sad. The same goes for times when I’m feeling anxious, restless or depressed. The feeling lingers well beyond these thoughts. If I’m not vigilant, those feelings can fester and grow much stronger simply by refusing to go away.
I think a big part of why these feelings linger, and why I feel so caught off guard sometimes, is that I don’t always accept what’s happening. Even after a decade of dealing with anxiety and depression, my brain’s instinct is still to reject any unpleasant or unwelcome thought that pops into my brain. My first instinct is to try to get rid of the thought as quickly as possible, and to get rid of it on my own terms. It’s a fight-or-flight response that does the opposite of its intended effect. Rather than making the thoughts/feelings disappear, the instinct of rejection allows them to stick around longer than they would have, creating a cycle that feels impossible to manage.
Writing this also got me thinking about the role fear plays into our mental health. Fear of the unknown (which I’ve written about before), but also fear what we’ve already been through. Sometimes, my intrusive thoughts can remind me of an unpleasant or unsuccessful experience with my mental health and it can bring me back to that time. I feel stuck or lost in that moment, and I’m terrified of being back there again. Understanding why things impact us is just as valuable as how they impact us and the more we reflect on that, the more we learn – about our mental wellness and about ourselves.
At A Moment’s Notice
It happens every so often: I’ll be having a good day, minding my business and enjoying myself, when a thought pops into my head. Sometimes it’s an anxious, irrational thought. Other times it’s a negative thought about myself, one that I’ve likely had a hundred times before. It doesn’t matter what the thought is, really; what matters is whether or not I engage with it (or them, if the thoughts are persistent enough). This daily challenge can change things for me in a moment, and it’s what I want to reflect on today.
Here’s an interesting fact from the Cleveland Clinic: Every day, your brain processes about 70,000 thoughts. That is a wildly high number, especially considering there are 86,400 seconds in a day. If you get the standard eight hours of sleep, you’re talking about more than a thought per second.
And that’s where the trouble comes in. When it comes to negative thinking or thought spiraling (which I’ll share more about next week), all it takes is one thought we get stuck on, or pay more attention to than we should. All it takes is a moment of rationalizing an irrational thought and suddenly, our brain is off to the races. This doesn’t mean our actions are always impacted, but such a big shift in our thought process could change the outcome of our day. If it happens over and over again, it could start to shape the way we see the world – and ourselves.
I’ve learned a lot of things when it comes to dealing with mental health challenges. No matter what they are, each thing comes with a varying degree of difficulty. They can be very clear things to learn or very difficult things to process, but it’s always a challenge to figure out how to go forward with what I’ve learned. Some things are harder to accept than others, and some take more time. Even though I’ve gotten better at dealing with it, the idea that a single thought can distract me and interrupt my day is something I still struggle with.
At a moment’s notice, my day can go from nothing special to challenging. And it’s all because of a momentary lapse in dealing with one of the thousands of thoughts we have every day. It can distract me from interacting with the people I love, or a good conversation I’m having. It’s something I can get stuck on while trying to do other productive things. Even though there are so many times I successfully deal with some of these thoughts, all it takes for me to lose focus one time, and my brain is headed in another direction.
We do it every single day, but processing thoughts isn’t always as easy as it sounds. All it takes getting stuck on one or two thoughts to interrupt our flow, and then we face a challenge. Either we engage with these thoughts and try to figure out how to get out of that thought process, or we lean on what we’ve learned about ourselves to move through them. It’s a challenge that comes to people every single day at a moment’s notice, and it’s something I hope to learn more about and grow from.
Have you ever had a thought pop into your head that you knew would lead you down a rabbit hole? How did you (or do you) deal with those thoughts? Let me know in the comments!
A Gentle Reminder To End The Year
My last post of the year is usually one of my shortest ones. It’s a simple message, but one I wish was spread more this time of year, so I try to reflect on it at least once during the month of December. I don’t know about you, but this year certainly had its share of ups and downs. There were a lot of good moments, but there was also a lot of times that were painful and sad. So I want to remind everyone reading this that no matter how your year went, no matter what things may or may not have happened, you did enough.
Continue readingTen Ways to Try and Get Out Of Your Head
Earlier this week, I wrote a post about getting stuck in my head. Some days, I really wish I could get out of my head. I have so much going on in my brain, it can be exhausting trying to engage with it on a daily basis. This is easier said than done, of course, but I’d still like to have that option when possible. But even when we want to get out of our own heads, where do we start? What can we do? I did a little research, and I’d like to share what I learned.
Continue readingThe Value of Feeling
Several times a day, I’m reminded of how important it is to feel. I don’t mean to be happy or sad, nervous or stressed out. But I mean to feel, really feel, an emotion coming over me or an action that I’m taking. This might sound a little out there, or even simplistic, so I hope you can stick with me for this post. But today, I want to share how valuable it is to actually, really, truly feel your feelings.
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My Brain's Not Broken 