For one reason or another, I’ve been thinking about the word optimism for the past weeks. I’m thinking about it in a lot of ways – what it means to practice it, what it looks like in my life, and what it looks like for my mental health, just to name a few. Whether this is purely in my own imagination or something evident in my writing, I feel like sometimes my posts can seem overly optimistic about how to approach mental health and mental illness – and in months like September, suicide prevention. I truly do believe in the idea that ripples in the pond can raise awareness, reduce stigma, and help people learn that it’s okay not to be okay. But I also know how impossibly frustrating it can be to exist that way. At the end of the day, I think I’ll always end up opting for the glass half-full when it comes to mental health, but I don’t think I’ve ever really explained why. There are a few key reasons for why I write the way I do, and I thought I’d share them with you today.Read mor
How’s 2020 treating you so far? Maybe you’re thriving, crushing it in every way and absolutely loving life. Maybe it’s the opposite and you’re just hanging on for dear life. Or you might be like me – hopelessly stuck in the middle and uncertain of which direction to go. I usually wait until later in the year to tell myself what I’m about to tell you, but I didn’t feel like waiting. It’s time for a public service announcement:
Whatever is going on in your life right now – you’re just as human as everyone else.
Since making the decision not to move, I’ve done some thinking about my life. It’s been some time since I’ve made a decision this big, and I feel the same pressure now that I’ve felt when I’ve made a big decision in the past. It’s a feeling of okay, I did this…now what? While making the decision is important, it brings with it all this brand-new, self-imposed pressure. Basically, since I’m not doing the specific thing, what can I do now?
I am not the type of person to only change one aspect of my life at a time. I often feel that when I make a change, it has to touch every facet of who I am and what I do. I don’t like this about myself, but I also know that it’s true. And I want to change.
I’ve hopped, skipped and jumped through my adult life in the three years since graduating college. Every move I’ve made has been done with an eye on making a different move in the future. I’ve never actually been settled in one place and felt at home there because I was always focused on where I’m going next. Instead of letting my life happen, I was trying to pigeonhole everything.
For the first time, I’m in a position where I don’t have a ‘next place’ that I want to go live. I’m just in the place I am now until something changes. But honestly, that part is key. I’ve never had that before. I’m in a spot where I just need to take my life day by day and figure it out. That might sound like a common thing for most people (I feel like a lot of you are reading this and thinking well duh…), but it’s never really hit me like that before.
I thought I would know where I was going in life before I got there – that’s how I’ve viewed things in the past. But maybe that’s not how it is. Either way, I’m learning to take things as they come and improve myself where I can. I’m going to work on making the pressure I put on myself dissipate. One way or another, my life is going to happen. Maybe I’ll understand it before it happens, maybe I won’t. But now, more than ever, I’m along for the ride.