This hasn’t been a good week for me. I’ve had trouble controlling my emotions and keeping myself in check, and it hasn’t been easy. I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down, and I’m doing my best to avoid it if I can. I’ve had days, weeks and months like this before, so it’s nothing new. But being pushed to your limits physically, emotionally or mentally is exhausting. Fortunately, I know what to do when I feel this way: lean on my sources of strength.
It’s a hard time, it’s a dark time, it’s a strange time, it’s a weird time. I feel like I can’t write any new post for the foreseeable future without addressing that, but it still feels weird to say. On top of people having anxiety over the situation and having to deal with figuring out how to stay at home, plenty of people are feeling lonelier than ever at this time. Part of that is obviously being at home (stay inside if you can, friends!) but part of that is not being able to see who we want to see in person.
It’s only Tuesday, but I can already chalk this week up to being one to forget. There’s plenty to worry about in the world but truthfully, that wasn’t what got to me (this time). Obviously, we all have our own approaches when facing tough situations and times of crisis, and what I’m learning is that not everyone handles it the same way. While most of it is for the best, some of it is…not. And dealing with those people – whether they’re friends, family, co-workers or classmates – can be frustrating.
Sometime last year, I wrote about the post-vacation blues. I’d just gotten home from a trip to Texas and even though I go there every year (sometimes more than one), I was particularly down. Fast forward to this week: I once again visited Texas, and when I returned from my trip I felt a little bummed out. There were two key differences here, though. The first difference is that I was in Texas for my twin brother’s bachelor party (!!!), which of course is something I’ve waited my entire life for (being a twin). The second difference is that this time, while I am a little bummed out, it didn’t hit me as hard this week as it did then. And I’d like to expand on that second difference.
As I said on Tuesday, this will be a difficult week. One of the things about a difficult week is that even though it’s a lot to handle because of one specific thing, the world doesn’t stop spinning. I’m not saying the world moves on, but other things happen during that week that demand our attention.
When I wrote my post last week about the impact and influence we have on other people, it was inspired by the recent passing of a man, a former basketball coach who worked with my father. His influence and impact on the game, and on so many people, is immeasurable, and so much of what I know was learned by coaches who learned from him – about the game and about life. The funeral was yesterday, so I knew this week would be difficult regardless. And then I heard about Kobe.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the word ‘influence’ this week and what it means to me. That word gets tossed around all the time now because of the term ‘influencer’ but honestly, the reason an influencer goes by that term is accurate. If an Instagram influencer posts about an ad or a product, they’re doing so because that company recognizes their influence and knows that what they say matters to tons of people. And while not everyone might have an audience of thousands or millions hanging on to our every word, we all have some sort of influence on others. But the thing is, we don’t always know in what way.
I’m heading on a trip everybody! This week I am leaving to visit a close friend of mine who currently lives in Spain, and I am extremely excited to experience a new place and culture. I’ve written about my travels before and I will continue in the future, but in mentioning my trip to a few people I heard a few things that got me thinking. After telling a co-worker about my trip, she lamented on all the trips she could have gone on but either wasn’t able to or chose not to which, I mean, is life. But it did get me thinking about the reasons I don’t do certain things, and whether or not they’re as valid as I make them out to be.
Last week, I was fortunate to participate in an Out of the Darkness Community Walk, one of the hundreds that are around the country every year by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. This is the third year that I’ve been able to participate and fundraise for the AFSP, and every year I end up becoming stronger and more inspired by this event as it continues to shine a spotlight on bringing together thousands of people in the local area who are affected in some way by suicide.