Years of living with anxiety and depression have taught me many things. Some of those things were about mental health, while other things were about myself and who I am as a person. But despite all I’ve learned, I still do things that leave me asking myself one question over and over: Why did I do that?
I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way, but I’m the type of person who always wants to know the why of something. Why did I do that? Why did they say that? Why did I react that way? This question can come from all sorts of situations, and can happen on an almost daily basis. And while there are often simple answers, not every one of them will be satisfying. When it comes to our mental health, those questions can be some of the most difficult to answer.
I remember when I was first dealing with anxiety and depression, and I would ask myself “Why?” all the time. All the time! Why was I sad? Why didn’t I have a reason? Why was I struggling getting out of bed? Every new thing I learned brought new questions about mental illness, or about myself. And I desperately wanted answers.
But sometimes with our mental health, answers can be hard to come by. We want clear explanations, something obvious to point to, for why we feel the way we do. But mental illness often doesn’t give us the response we’re looking for – if it gives us a response at all. So we have to find other ways to reach our goals.
One of the ways I get around asking the impossible Why? questions is to ask myself something more practical. These questions feel similar but they start with a different word: what. What am I feeling? What is happening within my body, in the world around me? What factors might be impacting how I’m feeling right now? What can I do in this moment to help support myself? It was a massive shift in my way of thinking that I didn’t know I needed. Rather than put the focus on something I couldn’t change, I tried to move it to something I could. I can’t control everything that happens to me, but I do control how I react. And while I don’t remember that in every situation, it’s helped me plenty of times.
So this is what I’d like to leave you with today. You might not always know why you’re acting the way you are, and that can be frustrating. But understanding that you are doing it, that there’s a reason behind it, is also important. You can’t solve a problem you don’t know exists, right? Many mental health challenges grow or persist because we’re not able to see the problem for what it is. Asking “what’s wrong?” instead of “why am I doing this?” might sound like a small change in word choice, but it’s helped me shift my mindset on my own mental health. And over time, those small changes can amount to big ones – not only for our mental health, but for our whole self.
CW: This post discusses mental illness and suicide.
One thing I enjoy about this blog is the chance to learn about other people’s approaches to mental health and wellness. Today, I’m sharing an interview with Traci Edwards, who recently started her own digital project, Let’s Get Unstuck, to create an online community in support of others who feel “stuck.”Â
In your own words, how would you describe Let’s Get Unstuck?
[Let’s Get Unstuck] is a space for people who feel stuck and are looking for ways to get their lives back on track.
It’s a safe place to be vulnerable, free from judgement, and supported. A place to share their stories without criticism or fear. To learn from others how to gain back their power from painful moments. How to turn their pain into purpose and power. A place for shared stories to help others work through struggles. I want to find the right voices to tell the right stories that can relate to as many people as possible and pull them back into a place of hope and get them believing in possibility again.Â
What do you hope people will gain from your project, and from your perspective?
Traci Edwards (image courtesy of Traci Edwards)
I want people to gain a true connection with me, but also with other people who share similar values of spreading goodness and compassion to others. I want people to gain a new safe space in a digital community where they can be vulnerable, honest and feel unjudged. A place to tell their truth and to know that they will receive love and kindness in return. My space is not for harsh critics and to tear others down. I also want people to gain perspective from others about topics they struggle with. Tips, tools, advice that helps them through a tough time. I know this exists in more established websites and I want to make this one of those sites, but always upholds integrity and authenticity.Â
If anyone can gain anything from me, then I am doing my part. I had no expectations when I started writing; only that I want to help others through dark times and in return, I can learn something new that can perhaps help me. I want people to walk away with hope. To find their confidence and self-worth again. I want them to know it’s okay to be off track and stuck, that they aren’t alone. I also want them to feel supported which is why I share relatable stories and tools that can help them move toward getting unstuck. I only know what has worked for me, which is what I want to share with everyone.
When it comes to mental health, why is it so important for people to share their stories?
[People’s] stories can very well be the one thing that gives someone struggling another day to live. People really do not fully understand the power behind their words. I literally had a young 25 year old girl write to me the other day asking me for help. She had connected with something that I wrote. I had to explain to her that I was not a therapist but I would most certainly be there to listen. The sweet young woman was unsure about her life as she felt unloved, unwelcomed and unneeded. She was in a very dark place of depression and told me she isn’t sure if she wants to live anymore. The first thing I did was provide her with a group for people that could guide her to the right therapist b/c she asked me for help. Then I just listened to her and asked her simple questions. She was so taken back that I was willing to give her a stranger time to unload and to just be heard. We spoke for a while. She said “thank you that you care thank you”. This all stemmed b/c of a story I shared. That is the power of our writing. That in one moment it captured someone in a way that helped pull someone back from a ledge. That is why people should share their stories. To help others. Bottomline.Â
Why does mental health matter to you?
I lost my best friend to suicide when I was 14 and he was 15. Far too young! Then another one a year later to suicide. Similar in age. Throughout my years, hearing friends lose friends or family members to it as well. Then you see well-known celebrities broken on the inside when appearing well put together on the outside taking their own lives as well. Then recently I lost an ex who I once loved very much to this as well.Â
People feel broken, this world feels so small to them, that pain will not pass and they feel alone. This breaks my heart! I am a person who wants to help, it’s just part of who I have always been. When I see someone I know feeling empty inside I want to be that person to help pick them up. So, when suicide keeps coming up it makes me feel like I could have or should have done more.Â
I personally have been battling with anxiety since my 20s and I have family members with major depression and I see them struggling a lot. It scares me to think that one day they won’t be here because the pain outweighs everything else.
People feel helpless and don’t feel safe to speak about what they are struggling with. There needs to be more compassion in our crazy world, more places to allow for vulnerability and non judgement. All of this is connected to mental health. I want to provide that space! More people should want to provide that type of space.
Is there anything else you’d like to add?
I started this journey to get unstuck. Now, I’m meeting so many inspiring people who are teaching me (indirectly) how to inspire others. I am not a coach or a therapist, but I do want to become a voice in the personal development and growth space. I feel my story could help others learn to never give up, that there is hope again and possibilities are all around us once we can shift our mindset and be more open. And even in the darkest of moments you will eventually find that light that takes you into your new chapter with grace and confidence. You will reestablish a relationship with your self-worth again and become that driving force that always existed within.Â
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about the impact that my experience with anxiety has on me. It impacts the way I see the world, the way I interact with it, and the way I interact with others. But after years of learning about myself and my anxiety, I’ve started to notice the patterns that my anxiety creates. One pattern in particular is how my anxiety can lead to making assumptions, and how those assumptions can create problems in my life that didn’t exist before. Anxiety can lead to assumptions and if we don’t make the connection, anxiety can lead you down a road of miscommunications and life being more difficult than it should be.
We all know that old saying about assumptions: “when you assume...” And the wordplay aside, this adage makes a good point. Assumptions, no matter what they’re about, can cause problems for everyone involved and despite our best efforts, we all make assumptions at some point or another. But assumptions can cause trouble when they guide our decision-making, and that’s where it’s important to acknowledge the relationship between anxiety, anticipation, and assumptions.
There’s a lot in this world that can make us anxious (thank you, GAD), but one of the things that can trigger anxiety is when we are confronted with the unknown. Oftentimes if we need an answer to a question or there’s a piece of information we can’t get the answer to, we get anxious. The anxiety itself isn’t a problem — it’s the fact that this anxiety leads to making assumptions, and then acting on those assumptions.
Anxiety is an interesting thing. Your brain can feel like it’s moving a million miles per hour but simultaneously, your body is staying still. You want to do five things at once and because of that, you do nothing. And in trying to deal with the physical and mental symptoms of anxiety, in feeling sped up and out of control, we can try to deal with a situation in the quickest way possible. And often, that solution is acting on assumptions.
Anxiety can take the form of thoughts, patterns and behaviors that impact our day-to-day lives. When left unchecked and unchallenged, these feelings can grow and fester in unhealthy ways. Knowing how my anxiety works hasn’t stopped me from having anxiety (unfortunately), but it has helped me understand myself more. I probably won’t stop making assumptions, but I’m hopeful that understanding the connection my anxiety has toward making assumptions will help me moving forward.
Making connections won’t always stop us from doing certain things, but it can help us learn patterns that have developed in our lives over the years. And in learning about these patterns, we can also unlearn them, and find a healthier way to see the world.
What do you think? Do you feel like you make a lot of assumptions in your day-to-day life? How does that impact your mental health?
As it is Mental Health Awareness Month, it’s a good time to share resources, tips and techniques about mental health and wellness. After a decade-plus of living with depression and anxiety, I am proud of how I’ve learned to manage my mental health challenges. However, chronic mental health issues can mean I sometimes go through my day on auto-pilot, which isn’t great for my mental health. That’s why I want to re-share a few things I turn to when I want to work on my health and build mental wellness. While there are a lot more tips and techniques in this area, these are five things that work well for me. Hope you find this information helpful!
Meditation
My journey with meditation has been lengthy, but I’m finally at a place where I can confidently say it’s part of my mental health toolkit. Meditation has grown in its importance and value in my day-to-day life, and I’d say there are more days than not that I get in a meditation session or two. What I enjoy most about meditation is that I’ve stopped seeing it as a solution to my problems, and more as a practice and way of being. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say meditation is the perfect solution for everyone (I’ve tried it more than a few times), it doesn’t hurt to try!
Exercise
You might already be aware, but physical exercise can play a big role in improving one’s mental health. While it’s important to make sure people have a healthy relationship with exercise and working out, I know that it can also be damaging to only do things when I have the proper motivation (thank you, depression!). Exercising, in any capacity, has the opportunity to give someone a brief confidence boost, raise the heart rate more than it might previously, and make us feel like we have accomplished something. There are many other benefits to physical exercise, but I’ve come to appreciate the benefits to my mental health and wellness more than anything else.
Therapy (There’s More Than One Type!)
Shocker, I know – a mental health blogger suggesting therapy. But I want to go beyond the generic “therapy is good for you” advice and take things a step further. Instead of suggesting that people look into therapy more, I want you challenge what your idea of therapy is. Yes, there is sitting in a room with a therapist, or on a Zoom call with a mental health professional; but therapy is so much more than that. There are several types of talk therapy, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT), Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) and so many more. And even beyond that, there are types of therapy that involve activities and movement, going beyond talking and trying to meet the needs of other parts of who we are. I’m not here to say that therapy will solve all your problems, but it is often a safe place to figure out where you can start.
Getting to Know Myself
One important part of building my mental wellness is improving my relationship with someone very important — myself. We spend our entire lives getting to know ourselves, understanding who we are and how we see the world. But there are some things about ourselves that are hard to come to terms with. Maybe it’s part of our personality, or an experience we went through, but all of these things encompass who we are and why we act the way we do. When I think about my mental health challenges, I know that there are aspects of my personality don’t play a significant role in why I deal with anxiety and depression. But those aspects do make up the person I am, and understanding how I see the world helps me understand how it impacts me. I know this might sound a little off-the-wall but the more I’ve focused on understanding why I do things, the more I’ve understood my mental health challenges.
Reflection
Whether it’s through journaling, talking with people or simply sitting and doing some thinking, reflecting on my mental health journey has done some amazing things for my mental wellness. When I reflect on the journey I’ve had, I can see my growth. I can see the improvements I’ve made, and the ways I’ve gotten better at managing anxiety and depression. Upon reflection, I can also look at the ups and downs with a gentler lens that I’d been able to before. I’m not perfect, and I’m never going to be. But rather than chase perfectionism and “getting rid of” my mental health challenges, my reflection leads to gratitude. To being proud of who I am and what I’ve experienced. And it’s that attitude that has made me stronger, braver, and better equipped to face the challenges that I know lie ahead of me. And I know that upon reflection of what we’ve been through, many people reading this might feel the same way.
While these are important ways to build mental health and wellness, they’re far from the only ones! What do you do to build mental wellness in your day-to-day life, and what helps you work on your mental health? Let me know in the comments below!
One of my favorite months of the year is upon us – it’s Mental Health Awareness Month! Held every May in the United States, Mental Health Awareness Month is a month of raising awareness and sharing resources about mental health. It’s a time to educate the public and shed a light on the mental health challenges people face every single day. Together, we are shrinking the stigma surrounding mental illness, suicide and mental health challenges. To start this month off, I wanted to highlight a few campaigns to follow. Regardless of how you get involved, I hope each one of us can raise awareness and hope when it comes to mental health!
Mental Health America – “Where to Start”
Mental Health America, the organization that started Mental Health Awareness Month in 1949, is using the theme of “Where to Start” this year. Per Wikipedia:
“The Where to Start theme was chosen for 2024, with the goal “For anyone struggling with the pressure of today’s world, feeling alone, or wondering if they can feel better, this is Where to Start.”
One of the most overwhelming aspects of mental health challenges is getting help. Mental health is a wide-ranging and varied topic, interconnected to many other areas of our lives. A lot of people don’t know where to even begin to get help and because of that, they never do. This campaign serves as a reminder that there are places to go when you don’t know where to go. There’s always a place to start, and this is a good way of doing so.
National Alliance on Mental Illness – Take the Moment”
The National Alliance on Mental Illness has titled their Mental Health Awareness Month campaign “Take The Moment.” This campaign encourages people to start conversations and have open dialogues. By sharing the vast amount of resources offered, people can find what works for them when it comes to mental wellness.
We are each on our own journey, and finding what works for each individual drives this point home. When our dialogue about mental health is rooted in empathy and understanding, it’s easier to see a path forward.
SAMHSA – Mental Health Awareness Month Toolkit
SAMHSA, or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, is an organization that works to highlight the connections between substance abuse and mental health. This month, they have prepared a mental health toolkit as a sort of “one-stop shop” to share information and resources about mental health. This includes social media messages, graphics, and best practices for having healthy discussions about mental health. You can find the toolkit on SAMHSA’s website, which actions and suggestions for posts throughout the entire month.
This month on My Brain’s Not Broken
As I like to do every May, this blog will be a place for sharing resources and information about mental health. In the 7+ years of writing this blog, I’ve seen a lot of growth and improvement in how we talk about mental health. But with everything going on in the world today, it’s more important than ever to check in. Check in with ourselves and our loved ones. Check in with our communities and our local leaders. See who is making mental health a priority, and who might need a gentle push in that direction.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, mental health impacts us all. Mental Health Awareness Month is a time to shine a spotlight on this fact, to learn to live in a happy and healthy way. Sending positive thoughts and vibes to everyone as we continue to shrink the stigma!
One aspect of mental health that I think is fascinating is the idea of high-functioning mental illness. I’ve written posts about high-functioning anxiety and high-functioning depression and even though I’ve learned a lot about both over the years, there is still so much to learn. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about how my brain works when I’m experiencing high-functioning anxiety – the way I race to get things done, the pressure I put on myself to finish things by the arbitrary (often unrealistic) deadlines I’ve set. Today, I want to reflect on why it can sometimes be challenging to race from one thing to another all the time.
Today, I want to talk about assumptions. Assumptions are part of our daily life, and they can happen at any time. We make assumptions off the biggest and smallest of clues, and they can largely depend on our mood at the time. While they can be harmless, they can also lead us down a path that is challenging and confusing if we’re not careful. A very frustrating things about assumptions is how unintentional they can be. Without meaning or trying to, you can assume the worst, and that can change the trajectory of your day. But in the past few weeks, I’ve learned a few lessons about assumptions, and I’d like to share one today.
As we reach the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’d like to reflect a little bit. I often reflect on the state of mental health; I try to figure out how we, as a society, view mental health and wellness. In the year since the last Mental Health Awareness Month, have we improved things? What does it mean to spread awareness, and are we doing a good enough job? There are many conclusions this month has led me to, but what I want to focus on today are next steps. How do we go beyond mental health awareness? How can we build a better world, focused on wellness and healing?
Last month, I started my Song of the Month series of posts. Each month on the blog, I’m going to share a song with you. It might be a song I can’t stop listening to at the moment, or a song I have a history with. It could be a song I don’t know much about, or I’ve listened to a thousand times. Regardless of the reason, these songs have inspired me and my mental health, and I want to share them with you. Whether you’ve heard of them or not, I hope these songs give you more insight into my world and my approach to mental health. This month: “You’re Not Alone” by The Mowgli’s.
How would you describe yourself? What words would you use? Would you describe yourself using full sentences, or create a list of adjectives? When I think about the way I describe myself, my brain freezes. It’s not that I’m afraid of using the wrong words, of talking about myself in a way that’s disingenuous. Actually, it’s the opposite; I’m worried I won’t include words that would clearly state who I am. I get scared that there’s a part of me that will never be known, things that will never be shared.
My Brain's Not Broken 