mental health

Am I Taking Care of Myself? Am I Really?

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Do you ever feel like your day just isn’t going well? I know we all have good days and bad ones, but I’m talking about something different. It’s those days when everything feels a little off, or when every decision you make seems to be the wrong one. These situations are tricky because things could certainly be worse (as we remind ourselves), but that also doesn’t solve the confusing problem at hand. Unfortunately, anxiety can exacerbate some of these more challenging days, taking situations that are challenging and turning them into overwhelming messes (I know where of I speak). But I’m here today with a possible solution, and it’s relatively simple – drink some water.

Okay, okay; this isn’t my entire bit of advice. But it is the lead-in to an important question that, in my opinion, we don’t ask ourselves enough when considering our mental health. And that question is, what am I doing to take care of myself?

Look, I get it; there’s enough going on in our day-to-day lives, it’s easy to understand how some things can fall through the cracks. But taking care of ourselves does not have to seem as difficult, time-consuming or labor intensive as we think. One of the reasons I used to find this topic so daunting is because I thought about this in the context of ‘self-care,’ which to me meant something else entirely. I don’t have time to take care of myself in the ways I need, I’d think.

But here’s the thing: I was wrong. I thought that self-care revolved around a lot of the buzz words and activities we hear about today. Maybe I needed to take more mental health days, or visit a spa. I could do more yoga, or exercise in a way that made me feel good. And while all those things do contribute to self-care, I’ve learned that there are basic things that, when missed, make my day-to-day life more difficult. One of which is just…drinking water.

I remember when I wrote about how our health is more than just physical, and all the research I did into figuring out the different aspects of our health. Even though it made perfect sense at the time, putting it into practice was more difficult than I anticipated. It’s not that I needed to be actively thinking about this; I just needed to be more intentional.

There have been times where I’ve had a headache, or I’ve felt sad, and now I think to myself: do I just need to drink some water? Do I need a snack? A nap? I’m not saying those things solve all my problems (believe me), but there are times where my anxiety or depression can deter the other ways I need to take care of myself. I would guess that over the years, some bouts of depression were made more difficult due to my lack of taking care of myself in other areas in life.

Now before you get ahead of yourself, I want to say that this advice isn’t recommended as a singular fix, or for someone mental health crisis or facing recurring challenges. I didn’t come here to say that your depression will be solved with a drink of water and a little treat (unfortunately for us both). However, figuring out the best ways to take care of ourselves from one day to the next is how we can build a strong foundation for when times are difficult. With patience and practice, our self-knowledge can grow, and make us better equipped to face the next challenge when it comes to our mental health and wellness.

Why I Work On My Mental Health

Nathan Smith2 Comments

I’m not sure how many other people do this, but I get hyper-fixated on what I do in my day-to-day life. I constantly analyze my habits, hobbies, and what I choose to do (or not do) during my day. Whether it’s for work or fun, I’m in a near-constant state of thought, lost in my head about my choices. But in all this thinking, I forget that I don’t always have control over what impacts my mental health, which is what I’d like to talk about today.

This post serves as a reminder of sorts, as I’m sure it’s something I’ve written about sometime in the last five years. But even if it is, it feels like a reminder I need every so often. When your life starts to find its rhythm, things are great. You feel comfortable like you’ve finally figured it out, and everything seems to flow. It’s a nice feeling, but it can often create problems when that flow gets interrupted.

When my mental health is in a good place and something comes along to disrupt that, I won’t lie: I get upset at myself. I get upset at the situation, and I get upset that I’m not in a good mood anymore. But upon reflection, this is a gross misunderstanding of why I’ve built up my mental health.

For a long time, I thought of mental health as a synonym for being happy. When people focus on their mental health they’re usually happier, right? This led me to conclude that focusing on my mental health would lead to a better mood and a happier life.

For several reasons, this assumption wasn’t helpful and didn’t work. Mental health is more than just trying to “be happy.” It’s not a hack, it’s not a secret, and it’s not a one-stop shop. Working on ourselves takes time and effort, and we don’t always see results the way we think we will. I thought improving my mental wellness would stop the storms from coming. The storms of anxiety attacks, days of depression, and all the ways mental illness challenges us. But I was coming at this problem from the wrong angle. Improving my mental wellness hasn’t stopped the storm from coming. Rather, it’s allowed me to weather the storm, to make it through until the sun shines again.

Sometimes, for reasons you can’t control, the world will put you in a bad mood. It will put you in a sad mood, or cause you pain and anguish. This might sound dramatic, but it’s the truth. And it’s in these moments that we can lean on what we’ve learned, and how we’ve grown. I often see my growth not because of the positive moments, but because of the difficult ones.

Whether this post finds you in a good mood or a bad one, I hope it provides the same reminder that it did for me. And even though we can’t control everything, the work we do on ourselves matters, because we matter. I can try and control every aspect of my day, and something can still come out of nowhere and create a challenge. That’s when I can lean on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown to handle the situation in front of me. It doesn’t always work out, but this approach has brought more good than bad in my life, and that’s good enough for me.

"Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems." - Rene Descartes

How I Misunderstood the Meaning of Rest

Nathan Smith3 Comments

It’s the wintertime, which means that we’re all tired, and the desire to do anything is as frozen as the weather. I often write about how challenging the wintertime can be for our mental health, and it happens every year. Like seasons, we go through our own cycles, reaching the same points across the calendar year. Even though January has become known as a time of resolutions and rebirth, I enjoy pushing back on that. To me, January is a time for rest. But despite feeling this way, I don’t think I’ve been going about it the right way. Reflecting on this has led me to a new way of thinking for how – and why – I need my rest.

Why do we rest? At first glance, this question has a simple answer: we need it to function. Rest has several benefits for our quality of life, for certain (sounds like a good idea for a future post!). But at the end of the day, humans need rest to be our best possible selves.

So, given that we all know how important rest is, why don’t we get enough of it? According to the results of the “Rest Test,” a survey completed by Durham University,

more than “two-thirds of the public would like more rest…the study also revealed that nearly a third of respondents said they need more rest than the average person, while 10 percent think they need less.”

Science Daily

This survey, which was completed by more than 18,000 people in 134 different countries, speaks volumes about our view of rest as a society. We need rest, and we’re not getting it.

Looking inward, I thought about why I rest. I know the benefits of rest. It improves my health (physical, mental, emotional, etc.); calms me down when I’m riddled with anxiety; and plays a vital role in my mental health toolkit. But here’s where I’ve been wrong in my thinking. Almost 100% of the time, I use rest as a tool. And while I think it’s a good tool, it shouldn’t only be used that way.

In fact, when I think about it, I’m often resting so that, when I’m done, I can immediately go do something else. This doesn’t foster a healthy relationship with rest, and it puts undue pressure on me. My rest needs to be “good” rest, otherwise I won’t be able to do what I want to do. I’m not resting for the sake of it, which can take away the power and benefits of doing it in the first place.

In this era of productivity and life-hacking, I’m concerned that rest often gets misappropriated. Why should I be looking to get the most out of resting my body? What’s the point of rushing through a process that restores my cognitive and physical health? What are we doing here?

I know a large part of this is because of the time of year. I’ve started to think of winter as my time of hibernation, and rest is key to that hibernation. But it’s an important thing to reflect on all year-round. As I move through the winter, I am hoping to reassess my relationship with rest – why I do it, how I do it, and what I’m trying to accomplish. In doing so, I hope that not only can I develop a healthier relationship with rest, but with myself.

I’d love to hear from you on this topic! How do you think we view rest in today’s world? Why do you think people aren’t getting the rest they need? Do you think you’re getting the rest you need?

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

Mental Health Tips and Reminders to Start 2024

Nathan Smith6 Comments

Hello friends, and Happy New Year! Since I’ve written several New Year’s posts on this blog, I thought I’d try my hand at it again in 2024. In past years, my messages around the new year have varied greatly. Early on in this blog’s history, I wrote about my rejection of New Year’s resolutions and the pressure they put on us. A few years ago, I reflected on how I’d like to start the new year off right. And last year, I reflected on how I wanted to approach 2023. In reading these posts, I’ve come to see the ways I’ve changed (and yes, grown) in the years of writing this blog. This year, I’d like to take the focus off me and put it back on mental health. There are many ways we can try to grow in the new year, but how can we do it with our mental health? Here are five mental health tips as you build and grow your mental wellness in 2024.

Start where you are.

When it comes to mental health and wellness, it’s important to know where to start. And the fact is, we’re all at different points on our mental health journeys — and that’s okay. Not only is it okay, but it’s as it should be. I can’t tell you how many times I grew frustrated when I would fail at something related to my mental health while seeing someone else succeed. I thought I was doing something wrong when in fact, it just wasn’t the right time for me. Now is the time for an honest assessment: how is your mental health? Are you prioritizing it in the way you deserve? This looks different for everyone, so it’s important to be honest and open with yourself.

Awareness is just the first step.

One of the most important things I’ve learned about mental health is that when we discover something about ourselves we’d like to work on, it doesn’t magically go away. That’s often when the real work begins. Many of us have experienced cognitive distortions, negative thoughts and other mental health challenges for years without fully understanding what they are. Awareness is valuable, but it’s not a cure. Once I accepted this, it was easier to move forward.

There will be bumps in the road.

There’s a common misconception that once someone starts working on their mental health, life will get…easier, let’s say. Or that we’ve “fixed” the problem because we’ve acknowledged that something isn’t as it should be. And while we should give people their flowers for choosing themselves and prioritizing mental health, I wouldn’t want someone to think that’s all they have to do. There will be bumps along the way, the same way there are for so many things we do in life. Mental health is a lifelong journey, and accepting that there will be both ups and downs helps in the long run.

Find techniques that work for YOU.

This point is very important to me because it’s one of my core beliefs surrounding mental health. In the culture we’ve created, things become popular when they work for a wide number of people, which can create unrealistic expectations. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten frustrated with a “life hack” or “mental health tip” that seemed to work for so many people – but not me! It’s taken a long time to come to the understanding that I don’t need to find things that “work”; I need to find what works for me. Once I shifted that lens, I was able to focus more on myself, making my mental health more manageable.

Not everything is relevant to you – and that’s okay

This is similar to what I just wrote, but I’d like to elaborate because it’s an important point to make. Not everything we learn about mental health will be relevant for us. There are so many different tips and tricks, countless diagnoses and ways to evaluate mental health and wellness, and various ways to approach all these challenges. While you do want to focus on your own mental health, seeing the bigger picture is extremely valuable for everyone. Mental health impacts everyone, and the more we connect the dots, the more we can see how it helps shape the world around us.

Now, over to you! What mental health tips would you like to share as we start another new year? Let me know in the comments below!

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." - Hal Borland

How the Winter Months Impact Our Mental Health

Nathan Smith1 Comment

Every winter, I write a version of this post. I wrote it last year…and the year before…and the year before. Sometimes, the post comes in November; other times, it’s not until January. But every year, without fail, the winter season starts to impact me negatively. Maybe it’s the fact that the sun sets before I’m finished with my work day. It could be that some years, the holidays are more challenging than usual. Sometimes it’s just the cold if I’m being perfectly honest. Regardless, the wintertime brings about unique challenges, something that’s worth remembering this time of year.

It took me many years to learn that for me, the winter months always hit my mental health extra hard. It was more difficult to maintain wellness, and harder to keep a positive attitude around my mental health journey. I assumed that since I had depression year-round, there’s no reason that it would be worse, right? Wrong. Not that it needs to be said on this blog, but seasonal depression is real. And it was surprising to learn that during this time of year, some symptoms of depression were triggered more often than usual.

In researching seasonal depression, I found some interesting statistics that are worth sharing. According to the American Psychiatric Association, “[a]bout 5 percent of adults in the U.S. experience Season Affective Disorder (SAD), and it typically lasts about 40 percent of the year.” They also noted that while “SAD may begin at any age…it typically starts when a person is between ages 18 and 30.”

That might not sound like a large group, but that’s tens of millions of people who experience added mental health challenges for a large portion of the calendar year. One thing I’ve learned in the many years writing this blog is how our mental health is impacted by the world around us. The winter months, and the holiday season in particular, create unique challenges that don’t exist at other times of the year. Whether you experience SAD or feel your mental health issues become exacerbated during the winter, both are equally valid and deserve to be treated as such.

There are several ways to effectively treat SAD, as well as the many other added mental health challenges of winter (which I hope to cover in a future blog post), but that’s not what I’d like my main takeaway to be today. Instead, I hope this post serves as a reminder to be kind to ourselves this time of year. We’re up against a lot, and the stress and frantic pace of this time of year can make us feel like we’re not doing enough. For some people, not doing enough equals not being enough, and I want to shut that thinking down as quickly as possible.

As we head into a busy time of year, I hope you remember to be gentle with yourself. Your mental health matters and for some people, it matters more this time of year. I’d also encourage anyone who’s struggling with their mental health to take this time to reach out to someone if they feel comfortable. This is a time of year when people connect, reconnect, and get the chance to spend time with people they don’t see as often — maybe this is your chance to share something you haven’t been able to before.

Regardless, I hope that you remember the added challenges of winter. If you need to do even more than usual to look after your mental wellness, that’s alright – I’ll be doing the same! At the end of the day, we need to do what we can to take care of ourselves, and that can change daily. And not only is that okay, but it’s invaluable to our mental health.

Now I want to hear from you! How do you take care of your mental health during the wintertime? Do you do anything you don’t normally do throughout the year?

"Wisdom comes with winters." - Oscar Wilde

How I Got Better at Sharing My Story

Nathan Smith1 Comment

Let’s be honest: talking about mental health is hard. It’s broad, it can feel all encompassing and because everyone has their own experience, it can become complicated very quickly. Oftentimes, conversations about mental health can be overwhelming, and we can’t always find the solutions we need because of it. While talking about mental health and mental illness is hard, talking about our own mental health is even harder. It can feel impossible for people to talk about their own mental health; in fact, some people never open up about this part of their life. It can involve very personal experiences and emotions they’ve never shared with anyone, and the stigma attached to mental health issues could also play a significant role. When I was first dealing with mental health issues, I was bad about opening up. But somewhere in the last ten years, I got better at sharing my story. Here’s how that happened, and how it changed the way I view myself and my mental health challenges.

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How Are You Talking About Suicide Prevention?

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How do you have a conversation about a sensitive topic? Where do you even begin? This month, I’ve written several posts about information and resources related to suicide prevention. I’ve been able to compile numbers and information that makes it clear that suicide is a public health issue we need to address as a society. But despite all this information – despite knowing that this is a problem that we need to face – I still have trouble talking about it. A lot of trouble, in fact. And that’s because, while it has improved, talking about suicide and suicide prevention is challenging. So what can we do?

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Suicide Prevention Awareness Month 2023

Nathan Smith2 Comments

CW: This post discusses suicide and suicide-related topics.

In case you didn’t know, September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in the United States. Every year, I do my best to use this month as an opportunity to share information, statistics and resources related to suicide prevention. Suicide is not only an extremely serious topic, but a public health issue. We can’t continue to ignore this topic, as hard as it may be to talk about. Suicide prevention means speaking up, sharing our stories, and reminding others that they are not alone.

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Habit Forming and Mental Health

Nathan Smith1 Comment

After writing about high-functioning anxiety earlier this week, I started thinking about habits. Over the course of our lives, we develop habits of all kinds. They can be good for us, they can be bad for us. They can be the thing we need to get through the day, or they can be something we do absentmindedly before bed. Regardless of where they originated from, habits form a major aspect of our day-to-day lives. And sometimes, without meaning to or realizing it, we can fall into habits without realizing it. This isn’t always a bad thing but when it comes to our mental health, it is something we should be aware of.

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The Learning Curve of Mental Health

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When it comes to my mental health, one thing I can always count on is that it won’t be too long before I learn something new. Sometimes it’s a mental health or psychological term. Other times it’s a phrase, or a more accurate description than one I’d been using. After ten years of living with depression and anxiety, there’s still a lot to learn. And while there are many ways to learn these lessons, today I want to reflect on how experience is often the best teacher.

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