A Reflection on Comfort Zones

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When you read the words comfort zone, what comes to mind? You might think of the way people tell us to leave them; you might wonder if you’re in one right now. A comfort zone might not be a place at all; it could be a feeling or a moment in time. It could even be a way of doing things you’re comfortable with, a routine or rhythm. Every year around this time, the idea of comfort zones pops into my head. I reflect on my own, but I also think about the idea itself. Why is it so important that we go out of our comfort zones, and why do we talk about it all the time?

As with many of the terms I talk about on this blog, I like to start with a definition. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a comfort zone is defined as:

“A situation in which you feel comfortable and in which your ability and determination are not being tested.”

Cambridge Dictionary

When I think about how often I’m in my comfort zone, I have a hard time coming up with a good answer. It’s possible (if not probable) that I’m in my comfort zone a majority of the time. It makes sense; people have their daily routines, and finding a rhythm in my daily life is important to me. For some people, the problem might not be that they’re stuck in their comfort zone; it could be that they can’t even determine where that is.

Sometimes, we don’t know we’re in our comfort zone unless we’re removed from it. And that removal can be abrupt, swift, and uncomfortable. But it’s also where we can find out new things about ourselves, who we are, and what helps us grow. It’s that growth that can provide meaningful change in our lives, that can move us to take charge and take action.

As we start the new year, it would be easy for me to write a post urging you to get out of your comfort zone. How it’s important to get out of our comfort zones, why it’s necessary for growth, and why enough of us don’t do it. But that type of post leaves out a key aspect of comfort zones, and about change in general. Creating change and getting out of your comfort zone can happen to you, just as much as you can make it happen yourself. Encouraging someone to ‘get out of their comfort zone,’ while helpful, puts the onus on a person to create change (which is hard to do).

When it comes to comfort zones, we all have different challenges to face. What might feel impossible for one person is easy for someone else. But the thing is, if you’re looking to get out of your comfort zone, I’d encourage you to look for the opportunities that will inevitably come your way. Because the truth is, opportunities to get outside your comfort zone exist all around us – we just need to keep our eyes and hearts open for these moments.

What is your take on comfort zones? Do you think they help people grow, or do they cause stress and create burdens? Why do you think it’s so important that we break out of them? Let me know in the comments!

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." - Abraham Maslow

Mental Health Tips and Reminders to Start 2024

Nathan Smith6 Comments

Hello friends, and Happy New Year! Since I’ve written several New Year’s posts on this blog, I thought I’d try my hand at it again in 2024. In past years, my messages around the new year have varied greatly. Early on in this blog’s history, I wrote about my rejection of New Year’s resolutions and the pressure they put on us. A few years ago, I reflected on how I’d like to start the new year off right. And last year, I reflected on how I wanted to approach 2023. In reading these posts, I’ve come to see the ways I’ve changed (and yes, grown) in the years of writing this blog. This year, I’d like to take the focus off me and put it back on mental health. There are many ways we can try to grow in the new year, but how can we do it with our mental health? Here are five mental health tips as you build and grow your mental wellness in 2024.

Start where you are.

When it comes to mental health and wellness, it’s important to know where to start. And the fact is, we’re all at different points on our mental health journeys — and that’s okay. Not only is it okay, but it’s as it should be. I can’t tell you how many times I grew frustrated when I would fail at something related to my mental health while seeing someone else succeed. I thought I was doing something wrong when in fact, it just wasn’t the right time for me. Now is the time for an honest assessment: how is your mental health? Are you prioritizing it in the way you deserve? This looks different for everyone, so it’s important to be honest and open with yourself.

Awareness is just the first step.

One of the most important things I’ve learned about mental health is that when we discover something about ourselves we’d like to work on, it doesn’t magically go away. That’s often when the real work begins. Many of us have experienced cognitive distortions, negative thoughts and other mental health challenges for years without fully understanding what they are. Awareness is valuable, but it’s not a cure. Once I accepted this, it was easier to move forward.

There will be bumps in the road.

There’s a common misconception that once someone starts working on their mental health, life will get…easier, let’s say. Or that we’ve “fixed” the problem because we’ve acknowledged that something isn’t as it should be. And while we should give people their flowers for choosing themselves and prioritizing mental health, I wouldn’t want someone to think that’s all they have to do. There will be bumps along the way, the same way there are for so many things we do in life. Mental health is a lifelong journey, and accepting that there will be both ups and downs helps in the long run.

Find techniques that work for YOU.

This point is very important to me because it’s one of my core beliefs surrounding mental health. In the culture we’ve created, things become popular when they work for a wide number of people, which can create unrealistic expectations. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten frustrated with a “life hack” or “mental health tip” that seemed to work for so many people – but not me! It’s taken a long time to come to the understanding that I don’t need to find things that “work”; I need to find what works for me. Once I shifted that lens, I was able to focus more on myself, making my mental health more manageable.

Not everything is relevant to you – and that’s okay

This is similar to what I just wrote, but I’d like to elaborate because it’s an important point to make. Not everything we learn about mental health will be relevant for us. There are so many different tips and tricks, countless diagnoses and ways to evaluate mental health and wellness, and various ways to approach all these challenges. While you do want to focus on your own mental health, seeing the bigger picture is extremely valuable for everyone. Mental health impacts everyone, and the more we connect the dots, the more we can see how it helps shape the world around us.

Now, over to you! What mental health tips would you like to share as we start another new year? Let me know in the comments below!

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." - Hal Borland

How the Winter Months Impact Our Mental Health

Nathan Smith1 Comment

Every winter, I write a version of this post. I wrote it last year…and the year before…and the year before. Sometimes, the post comes in November; other times, it’s not until January. But every year, without fail, the winter season starts to impact me negatively. Maybe it’s the fact that the sun sets before I’m finished with my work day. It could be that some years, the holidays are more challenging than usual. Sometimes it’s just the cold if I’m being perfectly honest. Regardless, the wintertime brings about unique challenges, something that’s worth remembering this time of year.

It took me many years to learn that for me, the winter months always hit my mental health extra hard. It was more difficult to maintain wellness, and harder to keep a positive attitude around my mental health journey. I assumed that since I had depression year-round, there’s no reason that it would be worse, right? Wrong. Not that it needs to be said on this blog, but seasonal depression is real. And it was surprising to learn that during this time of year, some symptoms of depression were triggered more often than usual.

In researching seasonal depression, I found some interesting statistics that are worth sharing. According to the American Psychiatric Association, “[a]bout 5 percent of adults in the U.S. experience Season Affective Disorder (SAD), and it typically lasts about 40 percent of the year.” They also noted that while “SAD may begin at any age…it typically starts when a person is between ages 18 and 30.”

That might not sound like a large group, but that’s tens of millions of people who experience added mental health challenges for a large portion of the calendar year. One thing I’ve learned in the many years writing this blog is how our mental health is impacted by the world around us. The winter months, and the holiday season in particular, create unique challenges that don’t exist at other times of the year. Whether you experience SAD or feel your mental health issues become exacerbated during the winter, both are equally valid and deserve to be treated as such.

There are several ways to effectively treat SAD, as well as the many other added mental health challenges of winter (which I hope to cover in a future blog post), but that’s not what I’d like my main takeaway to be today. Instead, I hope this post serves as a reminder to be kind to ourselves this time of year. We’re up against a lot, and the stress and frantic pace of this time of year can make us feel like we’re not doing enough. For some people, not doing enough equals not being enough, and I want to shut that thinking down as quickly as possible.

As we head into a busy time of year, I hope you remember to be gentle with yourself. Your mental health matters and for some people, it matters more this time of year. I’d also encourage anyone who’s struggling with their mental health to take this time to reach out to someone if they feel comfortable. This is a time of year when people connect, reconnect, and get the chance to spend time with people they don’t see as often — maybe this is your chance to share something you haven’t been able to before.

Regardless, I hope that you remember the added challenges of winter. If you need to do even more than usual to look after your mental wellness, that’s alright – I’ll be doing the same! At the end of the day, we need to do what we can to take care of ourselves, and that can change daily. And not only is that okay, but it’s invaluable to our mental health.

Now I want to hear from you! How do you take care of your mental health during the wintertime? Do you do anything you don’t normally do throughout the year?

"Wisdom comes with winters." - Oscar Wilde

Embracing Imperfection: The Power of Self-Compassion (Guest Post)

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Today’s guest post is from Michael Vallejo, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Mental Health Center Kids.

When we watch TV, scroll through social media, or see other people’s achievements in life, we can develop unrealistic standards of beauty, intelligence, and success. This can create a habit of constantly comparing ourselves to others, which can lead to harsh self-criticism.

Harsh self-criticism can have a negative impact on our mental and emotional health. A healthier way to deal with your imperfections is to recognize them without judgment and respond with self-compassion.

What is Self-Compassion? (And Its Importance)

Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself the same way you would treat other people who are having a difficult time. It is noticing your suffering, having the desire to care for yourself, and recognizing that your imperfection or struggle is a part of being human.

Dr. Kristin Neff, who pioneered the study of self-compassion, identified the three elements of self-compassion:

  • Self-Kindness. This involves being concerned and caring for your discomfort and distress. It’s being there for yourself when you find life difficult. 
  • Common Humanity. This means that you recognize that facing challenges in life is an experience that all humans share, so you don’t feel alone in your struggles.
  • Mindfulness. To be mindful is to acknowledge your pain without overidentifying your negative thoughts and feelings. It takes a balanced approach that allows you to have the perspective to practice compassion for yourself.

Self-compassion is important in today’s society because it can help you strike a balance between striving for excellence and accepting your limitations. This way, you can bounce back from setbacks, learn from your failures, and still have a positive outlook in life even in the face of challenges.

Understanding the Concept of Imperfection

Perfectionism can leave us constantly stressed, burnt out, and unhappy with our lives. Moreover, unrealistic expectations can lead to low self-esteem and negative self-talk.

Imperfections are qualities or characteristics of something or someone that deviate from a perfect or ideal standard. It might refer to physical imperfections, such as scars or blemishes. Or even academic imperfections, such as grades that are less than perfect. 

Before we can practice self-compassion, we need to recognize that flaws are a part of life. When we recognize that humans are imperfect, then we can look at our shortcomings and avoid falling into feelings of self-loathing. It allows us to understand that it’s normal to make mistakes or accept that some things are out of our control.

The Detrimental Effects of Self-Judgment

Self-judgment involves looking at yourself, your characteristics, actions, and behaviors in a critical or often negative way. When you talk to yourself in a negative way, you can start to believe that everything your inner critic says is true. Additionally, it can fuel your perfectionism tendencies, which can lead to a constant fear of failure. 

The Power of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion can reduce the pressure to be perfect because you can accept that you’re only human. You can better bounce back from setbacks and cope with challenges. Moreover, if you treat yourself with compassion, you can treat others with the same understanding.

Studies on Self-Compassion

The concept of self-compassion and its effects have been researched in various studies. According to a 2007 research, self-compassion can reduce people’s reactions to negative events. It can lessen the impact of negative self-feelings when imagining distressing events and receiving contradictory feedback. Moreover, it can also make people recognize their role in negative events without being overwhelmed.

Self-compassion has also been linked to improved emotional well-being. In a 2022 study, results showed a positive two-way connection between self-compassion and happiness. It was also found that mindfulness was a significant contributing factor that influences happiness.

Strategies for Embracing Imperfection

Practicing self-compassion is key to embracing your imperfections. Here are some strategies you can try:

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a key element of self-compassion. It’s taking a balanced approach to dealing with your negative thoughts and emotions, so you’re not avoiding or exaggerating your feelings. By being mindful, you are avoiding falling into the pitfall of rumination, which is the process of repetitive thinking or dwelling on your negative thoughts.

For example, if you catch yourself having a negative thought, take a moment to pause what you are doing. Acknowledge the thought as an impartial observer and label it as just a thought. Assess if your thoughts are helpful or useful. Recognize that you have the choice to let go of the thoughts if they’re not helpful to you. 

Use positive affirmations

Affirmations are statements that you can use to challenge and replace negative thoughts about yourself. They can help you gain a more positive mindset.

Positive affirmations play an important role in practicing self-compassion because you’re promoting a kinder attitude toward yourself. They can help you challenge negative self-talk and break the cycle of harsh self-judgment.

Self-love affirmations can help promote body positivity, emotional well-being, self-compassion, personal growth, self-worth, and inner peace. For example, you can say, “I forgive myself for making mistakes. I believe in my ability to learn from them” or “I embrace my imperfections as a part of my unique and beautiful self.”

Accept and learn from mistakes

Instead of letting your failures defeat you, use them as opportunities for learning and growth. 

First, acknowledge your mistake and recognize that it’s part of being human. The next step is to take responsibility for your actions and analyze the mistake to understand what went wrong. Ask yourself, what can you learn and what would you do differently next time.

If needed, you can take action to rectify the situation. You can also seek feedback from other people to gain another perspective. Then develop a plan so you can avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. Lastly, forgive yourself and let go of the self-blame so you can grow as a person.

Self-Compassion in Daily Life

Start your day mindfully by taking a few deep breaths and setting your intentions for the day ahead. 

Then you can recite positive affirmations about yourself. Repeat these statements regularly multiple times a day so you can internalize them.

Try to practice self-kindness when you make mistakes or face challenges throughout the day. Replace negative self-talk such as “I’m so stupid for making mistakes” with “It’s okay to make mistakes, I will learn from it and do better.” This can help you achieve a growth mindset while being compassionate towards yourself. 

At the end of the day, you can also write in your journal to express your thoughts and feelings during difficult moments and reflect on your mistakes. Use self-compassionate language as much as possible. Don’t forget to list down things you’re grateful for and celebrate your progress as well!

Embrace Your Imperfections Through Self-Compassion

Remember that your flaws are what make you human, relatable, and unique. That’s why embracing your imperfections is a powerful act of self-love. 

You can practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself just as you would to a friend. It might take time and effort to gain this skill, but it’s all worth it in the end.

Image of Michael Vallejo

Michael Vallejo is a licensed clinical social worker with a private therapy practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He specializes in helping children and teens with mental health concerns. He is passionate about providing effective and compassionate care. He is an advocate for mental health awareness and is the founder of Mental Health Center Kids, a website that provides resources and support for parents, teachers, and mental health professionals who care for children and teens.

One Foot in Front of the Other

Nathan Smith2 Comments

Time can be tricky to manage. Sometimes, it feels like time is moving at a snail’s pace. Other times, it feels like our life is moving faster than we can keep up with – weeks, months (even years!) might feel like they pass in the blink of an eye. Regardless of how it moves, my least favorite aspect of time is when I tend to lose track of it.

This fall, I celebrated six years of blogging. In fact, this is my 500th post on My Brain’s Not Broken – a number so high I can’t even process it at the moment (and no, I didn’t intend for this post to be number 500, but here we are!). At some point a few years ago, I got into the rhythm of writing two blog posts per week. It felt manageable, I had a lot to write about, and I felt like there was a ton of experience to pull from in writing my posts. But in the past few months, I started to feel pressure when it came to my blog, and it was a new experience for me.

I’ll be clear, though; all this pressure was internal. I don’t quite know when it happened but somewhere in the past few years, I started to feel the pressure I’d put on myself to churn out two blog posts every week. For all you creators out there – you know what it’s like to put out content because you’ve made a commitment and you told yourself you would do it. The goals I set for this blog are entirely internal and up to me to create and yet, I feel extreme pressure from myself all the time to live up to the expectations I set – even if those expectations aren’t always realistic.

This post is my way of trying to return to this space feeling a little fresher, a little more rested, and ready to get back into blogging. But in the spirit of honesty, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes, taking a break from something can give us the rest we need. But it can also become a source of anxiety and stress if we don’t know what our break is for or how long we’re doing it. When I take a break from something, that’s usually what happens.

Unfortunately, I am not returning to this space refreshed, or ready to tackle this project with a fresh sense of perspective. However, I am returning with a renewed purpose. Going forward, I might not be posting as much as I’d prefer. But I’ve determined that continuing to write, to continue sharing my story and the stories of others is ultimately more important than not posting at all. I’ve seen the power and strength that come when people speak up about mental health and mental illness, and it’s these moments that continue to fuel me.

However this journey continues for My Brain’s Not Broken, I am excited. I want to give myself the grace and understanding I give to others because we’re often kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Even though mental health awareness has improved in many ways since I started this blog, people’s mental health and wellness are being tested in ways that I couldn’t imagine a decade ago. All I can do now, in this moment, is to keep moving at my own pace, deliberately, head held high, one foot in front of the other. And I hope that when you have these same moments when you feel like you have no more to give, you can find it in yourself to do the same.

“You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead.” - George Lucas

How I Got Better at Sharing My Story

Nathan Smith1 Comment

Let’s be honest: talking about mental health is hard. It’s broad, it can feel all encompassing and because everyone has their own experience, it can become complicated very quickly. Oftentimes, conversations about mental health can be overwhelming, and we can’t always find the solutions we need because of it. While talking about mental health and mental illness is hard, talking about our own mental health is even harder. It can feel impossible for people to talk about their own mental health; in fact, some people never open up about this part of their life. It can involve very personal experiences and emotions they’ve never shared with anyone, and the stigma attached to mental health issues could also play a significant role. When I was first dealing with mental health issues, I was bad about opening up. But somewhere in the last ten years, I got better at sharing my story. Here’s how that happened, and how it changed the way I view myself and my mental health challenges.

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How Are You Talking About Suicide Prevention?

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How do you have a conversation about a sensitive topic? Where do you even begin? This month, I’ve written several posts about information and resources related to suicide prevention. I’ve been able to compile numbers and information that makes it clear that suicide is a public health issue we need to address as a society. But despite all this information – despite knowing that this is a problem that we need to face – I still have trouble talking about it. A lot of trouble, in fact. And that’s because, while it has improved, talking about suicide and suicide prevention is challenging. So what can we do?

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Resources to Know During Suicide Prevention Awareness Month 2023

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CW: This post discusses suicide and suicide awareness.

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month is extremely important for many reasons, but one of the most important is that it’s a chance to have open discussions about suicide and suicide prevention. It’s also a good time to share resources for those who may need them, as well as people looking to share information with their loved ones and communities. Over the years, I’ve been able to put together an extensive list of resources surrounding suicide prevention, which is what I’d like to share again this year.

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Statistics to Know During Suicide Prevention Awareness Month 2023

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As I wrote in my post earlier this month, September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. The month is an important time for us to have the conversations we need about suicide and suicide prevention. In addition to having conversations and sharing stories, it’s also important to share data and statistics that help frame the conversation and spread awareness. Today, I want to share some important statistics in an effort to spread awareness about the growth and prevalence of suicide as a public health issue.

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Suicide Prevention Awareness Month 2023

Nathan Smith2 Comments

CW: This post discusses suicide and suicide-related topics.

In case you didn’t know, September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month in the United States. Every year, I do my best to use this month as an opportunity to share information, statistics and resources related to suicide prevention. Suicide is not only an extremely serious topic, but a public health issue. We can’t continue to ignore this topic, as hard as it may be to talk about. Suicide prevention means speaking up, sharing our stories, and reminding others that they are not alone.

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